I am so very and extremely sorry for not keeping everyone up to date on current events, but not to worry! I am typing this blog from work at 5:26 in the MORNING! Yes, IN THE MORNING! Which obviously means the job is going well, my security gig, hehe.
Well I know you all probably hate me if you're an active reader or even if you check back every few weeks for a good read (or not?) every now and again. Well either way, I am sorry for not posting. A lot has been going on and you'll soon see why...A lot.
Let's start by getting into the deep of the details and start with three words: We broke up.
Yes, I know. It wasn't even a month and we broke up, whaaa...why? Here's why. Basically in the first 30 days of our relationship, things were great and she was a nice woman, really! I just...When we kissed, I just, didn't feel anything. I can't say that about any of my ex's (except Alex, who never even wanted to kiss me, haha... (sidenote: she missed OUT!)), but even not feeling anything, I didn't feel a spark (when we hung out, cuddled, kissed, etc.) making me feel connected or any kind of way it'd work beyond friendship.
It's honestly the biggest tragedy because Miranda and I had so much in common! I just can't say THAT enough, so I did what my ex's failed to do, I broke up the right way.
I took Miranda to lunch (date?) and afterwards, I PAID, and we talked in her car. I simply told her my feelings weren't stronger than friendship and the "spark" you're supposed to feel wasn't there. I told her that since it had only been a month, I wanted to save our friendship, because I really did like her (AND I DO!) so I wanted to be honest about things.
I even cried telling her all this, YES I CRIED, and felt truly bad about everything. I told her I liked her, I asked her out, I asked her to be my girlfriend, I met her parents, I made everything happen...I felt bad about it all after not feeling the spark, but I did what I felt was THE BEST WAY to handle breaking up for the first time (Jessica wasn't my decision ("technically"), thats why I say first).
So Miranda and I still keep in touch and she even agreed to come see me soon and hang out, but as far as KEEPING in touch...That's harder, which I understand. I'm kinda just giving her time to adjust, I'm guessing it's harder on her than me. I say that, because I know it was harder for me than my ex's who ended it with ME.
It's always tough in a relationship, but I have the history now to show me what I want in a woman, what I like, and who I am. I just won't be that guy who uses woman or does what he wants and lives "care-free". That's rude and my momma raised me better than that. I'm not going to go around collecting a "jar of hearts" like a soulless, cold man who tears people apart. I just want a relationship that makes ME happy (and of course, a relationship where they're equally as happy).
I've had that with some ex's, who ended it with me, and yes, I miss that! However, I'm going to look for that with a future, lucky woman. It's just not easy...especially meeting and/or talking in person. Where does a man go?! Not going to "hot spots" where 420 friendly, crazy woman are. Trust me, no thanks! I'll find someone, I just gotta be patient.
Sidenote: I have recently found out that two ex's are engaged and one has recently gotten married, making me "the one" before "the one" for 3 out of 5 woman (where one doesn't even count on account of being a lesbian). HOW IS THIS MY LIFE AND LUCK?
That's my little rant on relationships for this post, we all know I have an opinion and even so, I have started to loathe woman, as a whole. I've been burned, used, cheated on, and made a fool for loving someone "to much". All the while, trying to date christian woman (3/5) and the only SANE woman were the NON christian woman!! According to statistics, Jesus makes woman CRAZY AS HELL.
I can't even...
Moving on, work has been good, I have been keeping up with my Fri-Mon shifts and makin' hella bank. I called off work for NakaCon on March 13-15th and that really killed my paycheck. It's basically saying, "I'll pass on the $300, I got plans." I have to make sure I'm available to call off for future cons, I can't go losing that much money, It screws my next 4 weeks of finances up, and my next con is going to be in June when I go to Sausomecon!
Speaking of finances, I better say this now. You all know how I was looking for an apartment, right? More to the details first, my mom has to live in KCMO to work at the airport, it's part of the rules, so she's doing that. However, I told Nathan about that (my best friend, and basically my brother to be honest), and he and I had a talk about it, like a serious, SERIOUS talk about it. He told me he REALLY wanted to move out himself and this might be the BEST time to do this for us.
Towards the end, I asked him straight forward, "Nathan, so yes or no, do we wait or do we take the jump and move out?" and after a pause, I heard him take a breath and reply, "Yes, I want to move out." In that moment, I felt my heart drop, the air leave my lungs, and I stopped for a moment and just stood there, all moisture leaving my mouth. After a few moments pause, I replied and said, "Alright," laughing nervously, "We're doing this. No backing out after I hang up." (This was a phone conversation).
And THAT'S what brings me to saying this next little bit. Nathan and I looked and finally found an apartment complex (thanks to my friend Lauren (whom I've never mentioned in blogs since high school (or maybe I haven't))) after one other attempt and failure (which was a close call!) and after waiting a week and paying the $40 application fee, WE. GOT. APPROVED.
On May 15th, I will be moving into MY FIRST APARTMENT. This will be my literally stepping into adulthood. I will then be fully independent. My own car, job, place to live, bills, and the whole shabang. I'm doing it. It's hoping it's nothing like "Time of our lives" by Pitbull and Ne-Yo, haha...I will definitely make sure I can pay rent!! Well, the song, not the video...The ladies can come over and dance anytime, hahaha!
But more on track, life has been really complicated lately, which is why I haven't been able to post. The last thing that's kept me busy, other than playing a TON of magic (the gathering) since NakaCon, because I'm playing a lot, is the release of Bloodborne (PS4 exclusive). After over 40 hours of gameplay, I beat the game and have since then been playing New Game Plus (NG+ for short), which is a harder version of the game.
I have been trying like hell to obtain ALL the trophies in the game, but haven't actually found them all yet. In my second playthrough, I might just go get the rest of my trophies and then rush to the end of the game again, because there are three different endings, meaning three trophies for each decision. one being very tricky. I won't post any spoilers, but I will say I've posted countless screenshots and even videos, like boss battles or killing enemies in my boxers, on my Facebook account. So if we're not friends, you're missing out.
In the end, life happened. That's kept me very busy and now, with moving May 15th, I have to make sure everything goes smoothly so don't expect another post until after I move. I really hope this catches you up and I love to hear from you guys so leave me comments and feedback! I had a ton of NakaCon photos I wanted to share with you, but I'm typing this post at work so I don't have a way to add photos.
Have a great day readers and stay classy!