Sunday, May 26, 2013

"Friend Zone" or No Zone?

I would like to take a moment to point out that I have never been happier to be single in my life. Sure I told Sierra that I liked her, but she listened to me with an open heart and through that, we are still best friends. I told her last night that I don't want to be the guy she dates to get over her ex (who she's been away from for 5 months now), but I do want to date her in the long run.

I love how Sierra is virtually the only person I can be honest with and she takes things like a friend should. She doesn't over-react or throw her opinion in there immediately to feel like she's contributing. Sierra is a good listener and can take what I say with an open mind about it all. I love that about her! She is so amazing and sweet to me, even when I tease her at work.

The fact that we've been open about my feelings makes our friendship even better. It's like, by telling her I have been growing some feelings for her, she and I have just kind of used that to get even closer. I don't know 100% if this is true, but I'm about 99.834% sure that Sierra can be honest with me about anything or talk to me about anything, including problems.

The whole point of friendship is that you can trust someone enough to share problems, joys, successes, and sorrows with them, all in the hops to have someone there to support you or help if needed. I want to be all of those things for Sierra BEFORE I date her. I have seen myself change in the past year and this time being single has shown me some things.

Sure, I walked away from God as a result, but I still pray every night. I don't care if you judge me and say that God is the only way to find redemption. I gave it my best 110% go a year ago, but Bethany is just ONE example of how the church could treat me. God is everywhere, NOT JUST IN CHURCH, so let me live my life for God how I want. I listen to 91.9 Air One Radio all the time, but I also enjoy the country music Sierra has gotten me to love again.

I'm not a bad person, I'm a good person, and yes I'm still religious, but I've just stopped being so hardcore in church activity. I did tell Michael I'd try out this church his friend runs, but my work schedule has me always busy and I get home late on Saturdays so I can't get up for church on Sundays. Sure, those are excuses, but I'll go when I am ready. If you rush me, you're only going to confirm how I feel about the Church and all the posers in it.

Not everybody is a poser though, I know that by personal experience. Michael has treated me with more respect in our years friendship then I've gotten from personal friends in my life. I respect and love that man more than I have any other man in my life, but I can't say that for other members of the church. Bethany was my best friend, we hung out, talked about everything, watched movies, and had the best times. Then she decided to treat me like a piece of garbage. I was so confused, I blamed Church and all it's horrible influences that people use, saying "God said this..." or "God wants us to do that..."! ENOUGH! I am not going to be manipulated by the people in a church again, I've crossed out the option.

So get mad at me if you think I'm a horrible Christian, but wasn't it Jesus who said "Don't judge, lest you too want to be judged."? I choose not to judge people, but to love them. Sure, we all have opinions. Bethany and Jessica both think I'm a cheater. Bethany has no right because she deceived me into cheating on Jessica. I am forever ashamed of that and it WILL NOT happen again.

I sure hope Bethany has had time to reflect on her actions, because it will be forever with me. I also hope she's changed and is back to her old fun self again, because through my sources, I know she has a new boyfriend and I sure hope he's having better luck then I did.

Jessica and Bethany both found replacements for me pretty quickly, if you think about it. What's the rush though? Life is short, sure is, but I don't need to find my happiness in other people. I told Sierra I had feelings, but that's not going anywhere. At least, not right now.

I talked to Sierra last night at work and I think she likes another guy more than me. It sucks to hear that you tried, but someone else might win, but I'm her best friend, that's winning enough for me. I told Sierra last night that I care about HER more than the idea of us being together. If she thinks she'll be happier with this other guy (remaining nameless for now), I would encourage her to date him. I told her not to let the feelings of myself or any other guy that wants to date her stand in the way of her happiness. I will always be her best friend, no matter what, but she has to make the choices that make HER happy.

I know it's text book best friend, but it's true and stands. I only want her to be happy. I felt like Bruce on "Bruce Almighty" when I said that, when he prayed to God, because it was so textbook cheesy and best friend expected. Who cares, I meant it. I pray for a lot of people every night, some who probably don't expect or deserve the prayers, but I pray anyway. I believe the power of selfless prayer can go a lot further than the bitterness of a grudge against someone.

I've made mistakes that I must live with, some I may never be forgiven for, but I am on the path of change, and have been for awhile. Look at me, enjoying my life for a change. Nothing sad is in this post at all! Sure, I'm finding out that I may not get to date Sierra, but that's not sad at all. She's still my best friend, I still get to see that beautiful face most days in my week (thanks to my Manager always scheduling us together), so am I really losing? Not really. Even if she had a boyfriend, that wasn't me, I'd probably see her more in a week then he would. SCORE!

Not to mention it saves me a little extra cash for more games (I'm being optimistic, shut up, haha)! Anyway, I'll wrap up this video with an awesome video I like from BlimeyCow. Enjoy your week and I'll post again soon.

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