Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Spotify says it best...

This one's for Bethany.

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

I didn't know that'd be our last kiss...

You know what I've been thinking about lately? Relationships. Long, good, lasting relationships. My life is surrounded by them. I didn't realize that until now. My best friends are dating for 14 months, I have a couple of co-workers who have been dating for 3 years, and I just met this woman in my Fundamentals of Music class who's been with a guy for 3 years and they're getting married soon, and she's 19 years old!!

All I've ever wanted was to meet my soul mate early and get married before I was 23 years old!! I am 3 years from my goal...I don't know that I'll see it happening...I mean, If I go to college at Missouri Western for two years, that's two years away from her. UGH! I can't win for losing. All I ever want is happiness. I know it's within my reach, but all I got to do is hold onto God and be patient.

Hold onto God...Ha, such a simple task...I can't win for losing. I procrastinate. I put things off. I'm a terrible example of Christianity. I truly should not be a role model for anyone...Only when I think about that, all I can see is failing myself and church friends. I want Michael, my youth pastor, to be proud of me. If he can't say I've grown and am still growing, then I can't say that I'm proud of myself.

I know he doesn't know all this, or maybe he does, but the level of respect he earned in such a short time of meeting him is incredible!! I've never known a "man of God" who was so down to earth and relatable. The fact that he has an awesome wife that has the coolest personality adds a bonus to the deal!! Now though, he has the cutest and most adorable baby in this known galaxy!!

Look, we all know how much I respect the man. As for letting him down, he knows I respect him. I've told him that personally. Till the day I die, I'll always respect that man, he'll never lose it because everything he's done in my life was for me and in my best interest. He never lies to me, he's always honest and treats me like a real man. He expects the same from me and I always give it back to him.

Anyway, back on topic, I'm trying hard to be a better Christian, or like to lie to myself and you guys and say that I am. Truthfully, I'm so far in the trenches, I can't hardly get back on two feet to climb out. I look at the VOTD (Verse of the day) Michael sends every day and I tell myself, "I should read that and pray," but I never do. It never happens because, even though Michael said it's not true, I still believe I don't deserve Gods mercy, grace, love, and forgiveness.

After-all, who does? Nobody. Then again, my dad told me it was Satan guilt tripping me so I didn't go back to God. Satan knows the weak spots in everyone and especially when they're vulnerable. I was attacked and now here I sit, on my couch, in my room, typing up a blog post that basically looks like I'm complaining about my life. I don't see the point in blogging such pointless details, but I guess it makes me look better if I cut open the cuts in my heart and share them (feelings) with you guys.

People love the feelings. For some reason, it makes you come across better. I don't care how I'm seen, necessarily, but I care more about getting out how I'm feeling so I don't keep it all inside me. Sometimes blogging doesn't help me though. Like now, I'll probably lay in bed thinking about the dreams I've had about Bethany lately. It seems everything is about Bethany now. I rarely have dreams that aren't about Bethany anymore.

Which sucks. Did you guys know that Bethany is now the profile picture for one of my college's Facebook pages? I have to stare at her face every day now!! Not that that's a bad thing, just that it annoys me. "Being done" pretty much means you don't have to put up with the other person anymore. The fact that her face is staring at me every day is complete shenanigans!! I didn't sign up for the break up so I would I sign up for seeing her face every day after everything she's done to me? Though not everything is bad.

I guess Bethany has grown though this? I mean, I have to think optimistically, right? If she went through anything close to what i went through, then I call CRAP on her, because all she had to do was talk to me. She knows that. It doesn't matter to me though, she can do as she pleases. I'm always here, always have been. I just moved on to a place where I wasn't depended on her. I was only that way because I had it in my mind that God was mating us for life. MY BAD.

The thing that got me to post this blog was as the title says, I didn't even know that my last kiss with Bethany was our last...Perhaps Bethany did, but I was expecting there would be more. My lips last kissed Bethany 8 months ago and the fact that I didn't know that was the last kiss I'd be getting...it grips my soul tonight. Honestly I didn't know that with Jessica either, because I was going to try to save what we had, but then changed my mind. See the pattern guys?

Enough about Jessica though, I'm talking about Bethany. She wanted me to forget Jessica's existence, so I did. What did that solve me? Ehhh....I got Jessica to be happy with my absence. She'll find her happiness now. Hopefully not through the wrong doors, which is what I'm beginning to question. Not my place, I'm not even a friend to her anymore. Bethany was very unique about her approach to leave me though, I doubt I'll ever see a woman do that to anyone in my life. I got the one and only situation, most likely (or I hope to God).

Though Bethany hates that I've been so forgiving, I'll always be open to chat with her. She knows I can't delete her number, she just has to call or text me. The think about texting Bethany is that it's hard to see sarcasm, joking, and serious texts. I usually called her. It saved my butt from trouble, because there were times when she got mad because I sent a text and it came across wrong. Haha, those were always fun to sort out.

To think I haven't kissed Bethany is 8 months is an interesting thought, since I never though I'd leave the friend zone 10 months ago. If I knew where I'd be with Bethany now 10 months ago (not even a year), I'd have saved it! By saving it, that means I'd have been smart about dating her. I wouldn't rush anything. I'd just keep things slow and easy for us both. Like when we were friends. I've tried talking with Bethany to start over, but some things you just can't forget, I guess (Not that I'd know, but apparently she does)...

Oh God I'm tired. I need to stop ranting. I'll be changing my post time to before midnight so I can have the option to post again later. You guys bite on this for now. And of course I have my spotify songs to wrap up the post. You guys enjoy them.

This one, again, is about Bethany.


This one is for me.

Thursday, February 21, 2013

Expected the unexpected...Or get blind-sided!

So today has been super awesome, I mean, we got a freakin' snow storm from hell in Missouri!! I hope it prologues my Psych test on Friday, but chances are 80 degrees will melt away the snow tomorrow and force me to take my test, then at 10am when I have it, BOOM! Friggin' cold wind chills will hit me!!! MY LIFE, RIGHT?!!

Well I noticed today that Jessica (yes, my ex girlfriend) has been blogging again. I'm so glad to see that she's finally moved on. She said she might be falling in love again, faster than expected!! That's a good sign. It seems whenever I tried to be her friend, my emotions were unclear, because loved Bethany more, but it didn't stop me from trying to keep her. I knew my only solution was to cut her out of my life forever.

It was painful and harsh, but I can live with being the bad guy in her life, because I can see that she's happy...She even said this was her best Valentines day yet. Better then the one she spent with me...I'm always told Jessica she was strong. So much stronger then she ever let herself believe. This is proof! She is a great person and I know she'll have one hell of a great future!! She's moving on to the next chapter of her life, which regretfully had to be without me anywhere in the picture. We all make choices we must live with and I made mine.

I don't know who this mystery man is she's falling in love with, but he better make her life so much better than I ever did. He better never hurt her or betray her or make her cry!! I broke all my promises, but he better not. She's happy for once and he better keep in that way!!

As for Bethany, the love we had is no longer strong. Bethany got me to fall in love with her, but I guess she thought it'd be fake love, because when she walked away, GOSH! I was still in love...Oh well, all is well now, because I'm in the stage Jessica used to be. A place between loving Bethany and moving on. It'll be fine tough.

OH YEAH!!

I forgot to mention this, but thought it of it as I want some humor in this post. So I usually don't get out of my 10am class until 10:50am, but for some reason, we got done early and I was out at around 10:40am. I'm walking over to the Humanities building and I see Bethany leaving. "OH GOD!" I think to myself. I had a text anyway, so I pull out my phone. The entire sidewalk is empty, but she decides to yell over to me as she passes by, "Watch out, there's someone there!" with a very questioningly scoffy smile.

It seems I can never tell when she's serious or kidding. I give up. HA! Is Bethany truly pissed at me or is she finally moving on and able to be social? Hmmm....THE WORLD MAY NEVER KNOW!!! Hahahaa!!!

On the plus side, My life is totally awesome right now!! That's the good new for this post!

Monday, February 18, 2013

The unpleasant emotion of anger.

I am so angry at a lot of people right now. A few people at my work are completely rude to me and for that, I personally do not like them now. My friend Nathan is being stupid with his spending habits lately and though he knows he "shouldn't" spend money, he doesn't it anyway.

If I want to keep my room clean, I have to go a week without my friends over. If I want a day clean, likewise. If they come over even once, BOOM! My room is a terrible mess!! It's like NOBODY taught them how to clean!! Don't get me wrong, I love my friends TO DEATH, but it's so confusing how they don't have moral obligations when they leave there junk behind, in my room, when they leave at night. I was always taught to pick up after myself, that it was rude if I didn't...Maybe that's why it bugs me so much.

Anyway, aside from that, I'm jump to the fish in the room of cheese. Nathan got a new job where he's paid every two weeks. At first, he thought he'd be making $400 every two weeks, which was a lot to him (and me), because $800/month would be very nice to receive. He got his first paycheck two weeks ago and he was right when it came out to be around the $400 he expected.

I told him, first thing, he needs to save it. He agreed and put half of it in savings, because he'd also gotten his last check at his previous job too. So he had around $530 total. In the past two weeks, he's managed to spend around $500 of his money. In that spending, he's bought a PSP for $70, A LOT of food, and WHO KNOW'S what else!!

Side note: He got in a car accident last month and totaled his car (some bozo rear ended him). From that, I made him promise me he'd save his money until he could bought a new car. He agreed and told me he wouldn't spend his money foolishly.

I feel like he meant it at the time, but he can't control his need to spend money. I had and still partially have that problem. It's hard to control yourself and say NO to the things you want to buy. I don't know if I'll have enough gas money this month, but I'm sure I'll be fine. I refuse to give Nathan money. He had MORE money than I did, so he BY DEFAULT shouldn't ask me WHO HAD LESS MONEY for my money.

I don't know, I want to be a good friend, I hate saying NO to my friends, but if Nathan gets mad at me, that'd suck. That's the last thing I want, but I want to help him with his spending habits. Maybe I should make a consequence for his bad spending habits. We hang out almost every day, so maybe I should take away days we hang out as a punishment...I don't know, I sound like a father punishing my child, but Nathan won't learn any other way it seems.

I had to learn how to save when Murphy made my car go on the fritz for an entire month. A spree of car problems made me realize how stupid I was not to save my money. Maybe I should do a similar thing for Nathan (since the car accident wasn't enough).

As for my work issues, I feel like some people don't respect me, or anyone, and are just rude. It's s wrong when you have employees who strait up don't care. One in particular, who will remain nameless, REALLY pisses me off!! She strait up ignores me, won't talk to me when I try to be nice, lies to me when I ask if she did chores, doesn't smile or greet customers, and has all the negative vibes of someone who doesn't want to be at The Tree.

I just don't get some people.

I told my manager I personally don't like her and never want scheduled with her again. I feel like if I work with her again, I'll end up going off on her for being so rude...I don't want to yell at her, but I'm getting closer each time I work with her. It's worse every time.

Well my life is so peachy right now, isn't it? Ha, being sarcastic! Enjoy this song perfectly describing Bethany to end this post.

WHEN WE STARTED DATING:


THE PRESENT:

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

I can't even write anymore.

Honestly guys, I'm just going to go ahead and pour out my soul. I am in so much pain as of late, so much misery, that I don't know how I'm even alive right now. I literally feel pain so bad, it's hard to breathe at times. I tried so hard to be a good person, the bigger person, the one I was meant to be, but I always get a slap in the face by life.



As you can see by the time stamps given, these were recent. Yes, I'm at the point in my pathetic story called a "life" where I say that I've finally hit the brick wall in my life I can't see around. It's surrounds me and any way I look to get around it, I'm stuck. It's to high to climb, Its walled me in, I'm boxed, and all I can do is cry, but I can't allow myself too even do that.

I have come so close to breaking down, crying uncontrollably, but I can't seem to bring myself that close to the edge...I know, its repetitive from my last sentence, but it still remains true. Every ounce of strength I have pushes me forward against the current of how I'm mentally feeling. I tell myself I'm to weak, I can't take this pain, the uncontrollable hurting, but I still cope each day, no breaking down.

I'm damaged goods for sure. I wish I had someone to give me advice. Not just any advice. I want to know what I SHOULD do. I tell myself, "Well if you'd stayed in church, you'd be feeling better." but all that gets me is guilt so strong, It's weighs me down even more. I already know where my problems lie, I just need a solution for them.

Damn my stupid morals!! I WANT TO SCREAM!! I want to find a soft wall and punch it over and over again until there's nothing left but exposed bone and blood left. I can't take it anymore! I'm a time bomb, ready to explode at the wrong push of a button, but maybe all I need is consistency in church attendance. I feel like my life was a lot smoother when I was always attending Bethel. Sure, I'll stay single, but I'm alright with it at this point. All a girlfriend would do is make sure I'm broke and keep me oppressed. Why did I want that?

To be honest with you guys, I don't know if I need Jesus or maybe something more physical, like pills. I can't understand how I've stayed this stable through the past month. I've had to really shut my mouth and seal the lips God gave me, because there are some things I could never take back and I don't want to regret anything else in my life.

I have thought about stopping the posts on my blog, but everything I think about stopping, the past four years of my life seem like a waste. I figure this will share memories from my past. How I felt at the time, pictures, videos, etc...Just because Bethany won't stop reading my blog is no reason to stop posting. If she's really so interested in my life, she either hates me so much, she can't trust my opinions (or she's keeping tabs) or she won't admit to still caring, even if its only a little bit.

I don't care though, I'm not gonna lolly-gag and kick my foot in the sand waiting. I'm going to live my life. If she wants to contact me, she knows how. Enough said about that. This post is to long anyway, Until next time..

How do I feel today?


Or if it helps clarify...

Monday, February 11, 2013

The seemingly final chapter for Bethany.

"By the way, we're done!" said Bethany with a stern voice as she turned to walk away with haste.

"I know." I said calmly, watching the once love of my life storm away in rage, "Crazy bitch." I whispered to myself a bit to loud, looking around.

This was the last I've heard of Bethany. Around 8:45am on February 11th, 2013. All I wanted to do in that moment was give her a hug, tell her I had forgiven her, and that she didn't have to hate me. I knew how that'd end though...A scene at college. I don't want to cause a scene with her. I want to make peace. So today I gave her things back to her. She gave me my book, which I never honestly wanted back, and I let go the only leverage I had to keep her communicating with me. I let go. Entirely. Fully.

Was there regret?

Not really. To be totally honest, I wish I had my best friend back, but those days are gone. The days when I had a snowballs chance of things going right in my life. I need to let Bethany move on. I need her to fully seek God and hopefully, one day, she'll let go of that anger inside her and see that I'm not the enemy. I'm just the guy who tried to be there through it all. I can't help anyone who doesn't want it.

What am I going to do now?

Same thing I've always done, live my life. Stay above sea level and try not to drown. It's damn hard some days, but I know God's got a purpose for me and all I've got to do is let him use me. First things first, I need to start attending Bethel again. Secondly, I need to seek God with all my heart, give my burdens to him.

I thought you'd forgiven Bethany?

I have. I forgave her before it even happened. I loved her enough to say, "This isn't my best friend. She's hurting and I know she'll need time to ride the storm." I was always there for Bethany, even if she didn't use her lifeline to call me. I never left her side.

What burdens do you have then?

You know, I don't consume my life with Bethany, though it may appear so on my blog (since the past many posts have been about her). I have a normal life, I just don't talk about Bethany around my friends...I don't like the opinions my friends give me. In all honesty, they don't understand things like I do. Bethany pulled some crap on me, sure, but at the end of the day, "What would Jesus do?"

Seriously guys, would he punish Bethany with pain and sorrow or would he forgive her and try to lend a comforting hand of guidance? My friends aren't Christians, they don't see things the same way as me because of that. I'd be a hypocrite to say that I've never bashed Bethany. I sure have! I regret it now, but at the time, it was a fresh wound, still seems to be some days, and I call her a crazy bitch or say she's just to proud to forgive herself.

In reality, nobody knows what Bethany feels except two people: Bethany (herself) and God. And only two people can help Bethany: Bethany (herself) and God. I have to sit on the bleachers and wait for her to stop throwing free throws and start throwing 3-point shots at the basket. She has purpose, God is waiting to use her, but he can't use anyone unwilling.

I had that problem when Bethany walked away. I was following Gods plan, I was meeting my soul mate, I was following his commandments, so I thought, and I was trying my best to be the man God wanted me to be, both for him and my wife (who I thought was Bethany at the time).

In 5 years time, I saw Bethany and I married, at least one child (Named William Robert), and money coming in to pay bills. That was 7 months ago. Now all I see is the empty vessel my soul sits in, hoping I can get back on track and have vision.

I have had my share of mistakes, I take no easy way out, even on my own blog, but Bethany has had her share too. Only difference is that I have forgiven myself and given my troubles to God. By the way Bethany treats me, she hasn't.

All I have left is her phone number in my cell phone and while my fingers want to press the delete button, I can't bring myself to do that. What if she finally wakes up one day and truly wants to make amends? One, I don't tell my friends (Trust me, they would try to put a stop to that). Secondly, I don't want her to hurt anymore if she realizes I've really moved on, which is all she wants right now, but...Future's change.

I will move on, but it's a matter of letting go all over again. I had that crazy real dream a few weeks back, which is what brought all this on, the first domino, but I guess it was all part of Satan's plan to mess with my head. I let him get the jump on me, I guess. I will have to accept that I won't get Bethany back.

I almost offered Bethany 30 bucks cash to talk to me and try to resolve issues. I opted out, because no amount of money would solve this, it's got to be God (although the lunch I'd buy her afterwards would be around 30 bucks). Who am I kidding, I was just desperate.

She pulled another "Christine" on me today. That proves that it's not going to happen right now. In the future, I'll try to point my blog back to my insignificant life. I just had to get these feelings out before I forgot. This summer is going to be my summer, I can feel it. I'm going to grow. I'm going to succeed. I'll be able to find my happiness.

I have to.

Monday, February 4, 2013

A bit of a fool to assume so quickly...

Alright, so I was a little quick to judge Bethany from the whole '108 questions' deal, but I will know that now for future reference. My bad to think I was her first girlfriend, yeesh! I guess your first love never goes as expected. BUT THAT'S OKAY!!

Well I loved Bethany and if I was wrong to think those 108 questions were about me, sue me. I am just trying to find answers as I see that I can. So apparently Bethany was talking about her FIRST boyfriend in those 108 questions. Interesting that she was my 2nd relationship thinking I was in her first, but she too had been in one prior.

But she never told me that (even while we were friends)...

Very interesting, again, that I am now finding this out. Gosh, I'm seeming to learn MORE about her while I get it from my own private sources instead of from her, as it should be. Oh well! It's not like she wants to get back with me. My theory still stands. Which is...(you ask). Let me tell you, again.

Bethany was scared that we were going off the path of God as we began dating (due to certain things I STILL won't say), but instead of talking to me and voicing her concern (as you should be doing in a relationship), she runs away...In the process of running away, and with leaving me to pick up the pieces of my life (Which I went about the wrong way), Bethany begans to regret her decisions. 

She doesn't know what to do, if she made the right choice...In her heart, she felt so genuinely happy with my hand in hers...But she swallows that every day and tries to move past it, but each night (for a certain length of times or randomly when she doesn't expect it), she thinks of me, wishing she could do it all over...Change how things turned out...

Through it all, she began to grow angry from her decisions and looking, thinking, and hearing about me made her blood boil. It became pride and anger who became her enemy. She no longer knew how to go back from where she was. She was just angry, she knew angry now, and she wasn't about to change that due to risk of DIFFERENT change. She wasn't sure if she could adjust to a life that she now knew without me.

But she had to do something, so she enrolled in college and began to try to move on. To her surprise, she saw me, after months of time later (which I was wrong about, we've been single seven months, not five)...She couldn't react as she wanted to with other friends, because that anger came back. That pride prevented her from doing anything pleasant.

The End.

You guys don't have to agree with my theory, but I'm almost certain (from the pieces of the puzzle I've found) that I'm getting close. It's like making toaster waffles, without directions, it still might be hard to make them, but I'm pretty sure anyone could figure it out with a little time.

I've had a little time.

Oh well, guess we can't really do anything about it now. If I'm right, whoopdie doo...I an't change her unless she agrees and initiates it for herself. If i'm wrong, Whoops? Guess my data is inaccurate. I doubt that though...

I really wish I knew how to change things, I wish I had the loop hole that got me out of this hatred Bethany has for me. She's told me in the past that it's not anger, but I have a term for this kind of anger. I call it "The Christine." If I say, "He/She pulled (or is pulling) a Christine.", that's not a good thing. A "Christine" is when someone is so mad, they can't forgive them, the person, or anyone involved. I got if from George's mom, who's name is Christine. Even now, 2 years later, I found out she's still mad at me, hates me, can't let go of her anger...AFTER TWO WHOLE YEARS TOO!! That's how long I was friends with Kyle before things happened as they did. That's a LONG time to be angry...It has to weigh a person down.

Oh well, that's life.

So we've learned two things from this post, that I am Bethanys second boyfriend and that if my theory is right, I need to find a loop hole. Oh boy...

Friday, February 1, 2013

108 Questions

So I found out Bethany has a 2nd Facebook page awhile back, but I more recently found out she's blocked me. So I had to find loop holes around this and eventually got my way back to where I can view her profile (Just call me awesome, because I know I am). Well I went to her page and found that she posted a note with 108 questions (probably some dumb Facebook thing). It was pretty boring until I got to questions about past relationships...She had some nerve guys. I'd like to share that nerve.


 Okay, so according to Bethany (thanks for finally giving me SOME answers), She THINKS she broke my heart (Uh...DUHH!!!!), She THINKS I cheated on her (NEVER DID I EVER CHEAT), and OF COURSE she made me cry, dropping me like hot soup. This is truly hurtful to have to read, but I guess I put that on myself by opening it.



 Of course I think about her, Its half of what I post about these days, haha. In all seriousness though, does she ever wonder WHY I think about her? I think God makes me remember. Go ahead, sigh, get it off your chest and call me crazy. I BELIEVE WHAT I BELIEVE!! Besides, its not like she has any right to convict me when she hasn't been very godly lately. Question 70 seemed double sided for me. I am pretty sure she is referring to our relationship. I think that answer is what Bethany tells herself so she doesn't feel the guilt of leaving me so strongly. She could have broke up in person, given me a phone call, or even text me. Instead she just stops talking to me for weeks until I make her talk to me. Then she yells at me. I never actually heard her say "We're over" or anything of the sort...

Technically Bethany...we're still dating. If you want to look at it that way, haha.


How would it be hard to kiss me? I'm a great kisser! I'm not floating my own boat or tootin' my own horn here, but I've heard that from both my ex girlfriends. It must be true! And she only says that because of her anger. Ehh, oh well.

That's all the Questions, but I'm guessing you guys want some answers from my side of the page too, huh?? It's only fair. I'll show those to you as well.

Here are my answers...





Okay, my answers may not be the idea, but they're not as hurtful as those answers Bethany gave. You may be thinking to yourself, "What's with the answer to number 46 if you were her first boyfriend? I have a simple answer, HOW ELSE DO YOU FUCKING EXPLAIN EVERYTHING?!!! In my head, I have to think "Okay Zach, either Bethany needs to see a doctor about medication or she cheated on you and can't tell you." If she didn't cheat on me, but thinks I did... WHY DIDN'T SHE JUST FUCKING ASK ME?!!

She CHEATED with ME on MY FIRST GIRLFRIEND!!! She has no right to be saying I cheated on her. After everything I did FOR HER, she better damn well at least give me that much... But she did this on Thursday, probably while I was at work last night.

OH WELL!!! Anyway, I'll give you the rest of MY answers, because that's all I'll give you from her Q's.

The rest of my 108 Questions...


1)Are you really ready for 108 questions?
Bring it on!
2) Was your last real relationship a mistake?
Not in my eyes. It depends on how you weigh the variables though. She wanted to leave the "Friend Zone" and I allowed that...I don't see it as a mistake in any way. Those were still some VERY GOOD memories.
4) Who did you last say “I love you” to?
My mom last night when she brought me Taco Bell so I didn't die at work, lols.
5) Do you regret it?
NO WAY!
6) Have you ever been depressed?
HELL YEAH!!! All to much...
7) Are you a boy or girl?
I'm a rockin' dude!
9) What is your relationship status?
Single for 5 months now...
10) How do you want to die?
Bullet to the head, please.
11) What did you last eat?
Graham Crackers (for breakfast)
12) Played any sports?
Tennis!
13) Do you bite your nails ?
Nope.
14) When was your last physical fight?
Never been in one (in entire life).
15) Do you have an attitude?
Not really, but on occasion I do! :)
16) Do you like someone?
Yeah, I do actually (more than one)
17) What is your real name?
Love, duh!
19) Are you gonna get high later?
Probably not, but I'm open to suggestions! :P
20) Do you hate anyone at the moment?
Define hate? There are people who make my blood boil, but I don't hold it against them.
21) Do you miss someone?
HELL (TO THE) FUCKING YES!!! God, I wish some people would just let me miss them and not be angry about it!!
22) Twirl or cut your spaghetti?
Cut and twirl what I missed, bec I'm to lazy to cut again, lol.
23) Do you tan a lot?
No, I look ugly in the summer...
24) Have any pets?
2 LAZY cats...
25) How exactly are you feeling?
Right now? A mix of confused, depressed, angry, and content...
26) Ever eaten food in a car while someone or yourself is driving?
Yeah, both.
27) Ever made out in the bathroom?
Nope, but thanks for the suggestion, I'll add it to my bucket list xD
28) Would you take any of your exes back?
Honestly, one I would, the other is best where we're at.
29) Are you scared of spiders?
Yeah, but only the fast and/or big ones.
30) Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?
YES!!! HELL YES!!! Why does this have to be a QUESTION??? It needs to be REAL!!!
31) Do you regret anything from your past?
Yes, I regret a lot, actually. I've made too many mistakes...
32) What are your plans for this weekend?
Honestly, I'll work and do homework...No life.
33) Do you want to have kids?
Yeah, more recently I had a dream about it and it was awesome. It convinced me that I want a baby boy...I might want more than one kid though, I'm open minded.
34) Did you ever kiss someone whose name starts with an M?
Nope...
35) Do you type fast?
Yeah, it's impressive too!! (:
36) Do you have piercings? How many?
Not currently.
37) Want any more?
SKIP!
38) Can you spell well?
Of course.
39) Do you miss anyone from your past?
YES YES YES YES YES!!!!
40) What are you craving right now?
Other than food, of course?
41) Ever been to a bonfire party ?
Nope.
43) Have you ever been on a horse?
Noooo....
44) Kissed someone in a pick up truck?
Uhh...Maybe? I don't remember...
45) Have you ever broken someone’s heart?
Yeah, I have.
46) Have you ever been cheated on?
I think...I'm pretty sure I have, honestly.
47) Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry?
Yeah, It sucks.
49) Would you live with someone without marrying them?
Yes I would, its helps you grow a stronger bond.
50) What should you be doing ?
Not really anything I'm not...
51) What’s irritating you right now?
Honestly, my life. It's direction and that CERTAIN people won't forgive me for things I haven't done.
52) Have you ever liked someone so much that it hurts?
YES FUCKING YES!!!! OH GOD IS HURT LIKE A BITCH TOO!!!!
53) Does somebody love you?
Probably not.
54) What is your favorite color ?
Yellow
55) Have you ever changed clothes in a vehicle?
NO WAY!!
57) Do you have trust issues?
Yeah, I'd have to say I do.
60. Do you have a good relationship with your parents?
Ish...I do, kinda.
62) Do you believe your most recent ex thinks about you?
Honestly, I don't know. Maybe? If she does, I don't know about it.
63) Who was the last person you cried in front of?
Uhhh...I don't remember!
64) Do you give out second chances too easily?
Not really...
65) Is it easier to forgive or forget?
It's easier to forgive for me than it is to forget.
66) Is this year the best year of your life?
It's February 1st...YES IS IS! lol
67) What was your child hood nickname?
McLovin'...UGH.
68) Have you ever walked outside completely naked?
Not yet... ;)
70) Do you believe everything happens for a reason?
No...I did until recently. I don't think everything happens for a reason anymore...
71) What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?
I watched an episode of Supernatural, climbed into bed, and said my prayers.
73) What is bothering you?
People. Certain people are bothing me.
74) Have you ever been out of your province?
No? Uhh...I feel stupid not understanding this question.
75) Do you play the Wii?
HELL YEAH!!! I LOVE IT!!!
76) Are you listening to music right now?
Nope, I'm watching Supernatural.
77) Do you like Chinese food?
OH MY GOD YES!!!
78) Do you know your fathers b- day?
March 31st
79) Are you afraid of the dark?
I used to be, now I'm only afraid of the dark after a spooky and/or scary movie
80) Is cheating ever okay?
NO WAY!!!
81) Are you mean?
Not usually. I'm a kind-hearted soul!!!
82) Can you keep white shoes clean?
NO I CAN'T!!! LOLS.
84) Do you believe in true love?
I used too, but again, trusting others is hard. I don't know anymore...
88) Do you like the outside?
YES I DO!!
89) Are you currently bored?
Not really...
90) Do you wanna get married?
YES I DO!!! ONE DAY FOR SURE!!!
91) Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?
I think so. It depends though.
92) Are you hungry?
When am I not? They don't call me Phat Love cuz i'm skinny, lols.
93) Have you ever made out for more than a half hour straight?
I think so.
94) What makes you happy?
Not much of anything anymore.
95) Would you change your name?
NOPE.
96) Ever been to Alaska?
NOPE.
98) Do you watch the news?
NOPE.
99) What’ s your zodiac sign?
Cancer
100) Do you like Subway?
OH YEAH!
101) Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed?
It'd be scary at first, but not really. I doubt that's gonna happen again though.
102) Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?
I ask them about it, duh.
103) Do you talk like your friends?
Sometimes when I'm being funny! (:
105) Have you ever seen someone you knew & purposely avoided them?
OH YEAH!! I did that last week, lols
106) Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around?
NO I DON'T!!! Which is sad.
107) who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to?
A friend.
108) Does it matter if your boyfriend/girlfriend smokes?
Yeah, honestly it does.


Ignore how depressing it sounds/seems. Oh yeah, thanks for the 108 Questions Bethany. Its good to see that you'll at least put a few answers out there for me. I promise I didn't cheat though. I would never cheat on someone as perfect as you were.