Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Life has a funny pattern, doesn't it?

So a lot has been going on and I haven't been able to post but I was finally able to find the time (aside from where I could be finishing my math homework right now) to post this blog for you guys. I could skip to the present and bring up the awkward thing that happened on Monday, but that'd be no fun. Instead I'll work my way up to that. Unless I get impatient...

So college has been pretty fun so far, I'm absolutely loving my Fundamentals of Music class!! I'm learning to read and write music!! It's really exciting for me, even though most people learn this earlier in life. I never had the luxury of learning an instrument or music growing up, but since I'm so passionate about it now, I've decided now would be the perfect time to start (before it's to late)!

Other than that, classes are just plain Jane good. I like em', but I don't love them as much as I love my music class. Honestly guys, that's pretty much it about classes. For the awkward thing, I can finally say it. I was walking to my Music class Monday (27th) and guess who I saw in front of me a fair way? None other than the bitch herself.

That's right, Bethany was at my college. Why was she there? Who in THE HELL knows? She was turning to talk to a friend so I turned a quick right and hid behind a building so she couldn't see me. I stood there peaking beyond the corner until she left (I had 15 minutes till class anyway, I was early). I kept my far distance until she turned again to go in a side building into the Student Center, where I conveniently have my 9am class.

Well to avoid her, I scurried past that side door and went in a far door on the other side of the building. No dice in my favor that morning, because I'm about to turn down my hallway when I see Bethany walking my way to the restroom and she see's me, locks eyes, I see her, fake smile, and quickly walk down my hallway (not even THINKING about stopping to talk).

What was the right thing to do then? She saw me...Should I text her saying hi or just leave it alone? I was stuck at a crossroad so I played it smart and just text her. I asked why she was there and added a silly face to make it seem less painful. She replies back with one word.


WHAT THE CRAP DOES AXIOMATIC MEAN?!! Who the hell does she think she is using such language with me?!! She's still the bitch that dumped me for NO FREAKING REASON!!

Axiomatic means "Self-Evident or unquestionable".

Well she was just trying to me a smart little bitch, now wasn't she? Very clever, but no thanks. I see through her games now, more than ever. I was trying to stretch out a hand of kindness, but she stabbed it with an over-sized butcher knife. I knew I was feeding myself to a crocodile when I text her, but I though that maybe if she really has been going to church like she said, she'd take it and see the kindness I was trying to show.

She is harboring unknown anger against me and I haven't the first clue as to why. It's her loss. She will never become a pastors wife the way she is now. Not to mention that when she waits 2 years to start college, nothing about asking why she was there was axiomatic!! It was a legitimate question to be asking!!

The more I think about the evolution of my relationship with Bethany, the more I hate ever leaving the friend zone. Sure, it was great for the few weeks it worked (if you enjoy dating a home wrecker), but nothing about our relationship was God ordained. At least, not how we went about things...

I leave out details still, because even though she keeps hurting me and showing bitterness, two wrongs don't make a right. I want to believe that there's still good in the world, even if it  has to start with me swallowing my anger and just taking what she dishes out to me. I'm letting God take this one off my hands, because I can't deal with Bethany on my own, Lord knows I'd end up regretting the end of that day.

Speaking of evolution, LOOK AT MY LIFE!!! Can you say that it's gotten better or worse? It's such a damn close call on both sides!! I have Bethany taking all 10 slots on my negative side, but I got a promotion at work this week....My car is running fine, but I gotta take my friends home at night every night because Nathan got in a car accident and totaled his car....I don't know anymore how to weigh the scale...That's not even everything, but I'm not even about to attempt yammering on about even more things.

I miss my old life. I had more fun, I was happier, I had truly great best friends who shared my religious beliefs. I love my friends now, but that single lack of agreement makes a lot of conversations hard.

Guess that's just an axiomatic statement right there, haha (yes, i'm mocking Bethany)!

Oh well, life is a bitch. I don't expect Bethany to ever be my friend again, but the way I feel inside, I think she just rebels against me because she knows she messed up in screwing me over. She was ALWAYS at my house hanging out with me, which proved how close we were. She MADE TIME to see me, because she loved hanging out with me.

If I could ask God for one thing out of all this, it'd be to have Bethany back before we dated, us both friend zoned and happy again...It wouldn't have worked with Jessica, but at least that way we'd have broken up in a more acceptable way. I was a complete douche breaking up with her on the phone (and to have Bethany sitting next to me)...

I'll probably mention that in my prayers tonight, but to all my readers out in the world, I'm not going to make that mistake twice. I've finally faced my demons and the scares on my heart won't keep me from being happy anymore. I'm ready to date someone again and I'm going to try my damnedest to make them happy! Only I'll be doing it the right way and not rushing things. Never again. I'm a new and better man these days. I won't go back to how I was...

Side note: To close, I'd like to say that if Bethany ever wanted to be friends again, try to fix things, she'd have ground to cover. First off, she'd have to apologize like crazy, in person, and prove how sorry she is. That's all I'll make her do though. I won't make her do anything stupid or have theatrics. I've let go of my anger, all I want anymore is an apology. A sincere apology.

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