Wednesday, December 21, 2011

The Grace of kindness!

So I am totally stoked that Semester one of my Senior year of High School is finally finished and over with! I'm excited to enjoy winter break and start Semester two fresh and brand new! First and foremost, I am truly excited that I got to sleep in today! Anytime past 7am is sleeping in to me so getting up at 8:45am was perfectly fine with me!

So yesterday was probably the scariest day of my entire life. Not really, but I'm trying to be dramatic (work with me). I had my weight training final, which went smoother than I planned. I thought we would max on weights and run both, but we just maxed on weights. I don't mean to brag but on the Strait Bar Dead Lift, I maxed at 315 pounds... Yeah, I see that as pretty impressive. It blew Jessica's mind when I told her (I'm a big, strong man, haha). I also got 245 pounds on Bench and squats the same. We maxed on a fourth, but I forget it.  I know what it is, but I forget what it's called, which sucks. That was my weakest anyway, so I'm okay with that.

After Weight Training was my Tech Theatre final. Sadly, I do believe yesterday was the last day I'll be seeing Tiffany. I really wish things had ended on a high note. I don't honestly know how it ended though. I do believe I redeemed myself on the field trip earlier in the semester. I don't like having a relationship with someone that is left awkward or unsure. I mean, I want to ask Tiffany to sign my yearbook (like I did last year), but I'm afraid she won't want to. I mean, she'll probably sign if I ask, so things aren't instantly awkward, but I don't think she'll want to, if you know what I mean. As I always say though, "Let come what may...".

As far as the Tech Theatre final, I had an A+ all semester, I know I'll pass the class. It was so easy, it made me laugh at myself. We had a paper final and an evaluation final. The evaluation was just building on the stage. Making sure we worked well and could follow directions, etc... It was simple stuff. I hope I can take the class next semester, but we'll see.

Side note: Next semester, I am set to take Stage Craft on A days and Tech Theatre on B days (both 6-7 block), but If I can work it out, I'm going to try to get my license before Semester 2 and get work release. Meaning I can leave school after lunch (right after 5th hour). I don't need the credit anyway, honestly, all I need is .5 Communication Arts Credit. I'm taking CA 2nd hour next semester so I'm happy with my HS experience right now. I'm hoping to get our early and enjoy my life sooner, but we'll see what happens...

After my Tech Theatre final, we sat around until 12:04 when the teacher let us leave class. He thought we got out and the bell didn't ring, but some students tricked him into thinking that, so we got out 20 minutes early. I thought it was clever (although, maybe he knew and played us)... Either way you roll the dice, we got out early. I had lunch after class, which was some strange pasta that tasted pretty good.

I scarfed my food and than walked to Mr J's room to get help on some hw assignments last minute he has allowed me to work on, which I was very, VERY thankful for. You see, Mr J and I have had our differences this semester, but in the end, everything worked out fine. He's a great guy and actually cares about his students. He may have rules, but that's okay. We ended the semester on a high note.

Side note: Going into my Prob and Stat final on Monday, I had a 52%. After taking the final (around 3 o'clock that afternoon), I had a 58% in his class. I had failed his class. I needed a .5 math credit and I blew it. I was a selfish butt head and blamed my teacher for all my problems in life, all because I needed to put blame on someone and, because he resembled my dad (as far as characteristics and personality), I picked my math teacher. It was stupid, wrong, and immature. I was my fault that I was so depressed, my fault that I couldn't focus in class because I didn't care. It was ALL my fault. I realize that now.

Mr. J let me do EVERY homework assignment I didn't do that semester, EVERY SINGLE ONE, and turn it in for half credit. I was so happy and did that right away on Monday night. Sadly, I hadn't learned squat because I didn't focus in class. So I ended up getting help after school on Tuesday. Mr J was so nice to me about it all too, helping me out and actually (so it seemed to me!) wanting me to pass!! I didn't doubt for a second that he didn't care. He is a good person and I'm thankful for that (I know I've said it once, but I'm saying it again)!

The point is, I left his class room around an hour later with a 60% in the gradebook. I had gotten the .5 credit and I no longer needed a math credit to graduate! I was strait up trippin' on joy! I was happy, happy, happy, happy, HAPPY!!! I was 'dancing down the hallway' happy! Though I stopped when I saw the principle walking by... Awkward moment. I just walked faster down the hallway.

So the first thing I did was text Jessica! I was strait up excited and needed to share that with someone! She had always believed in me and for that I'm thankful too!! You know what? I've noticed so many things since December. I noticed I have a girlfriend who loves me more than anything (and who's family likes me too), A church family who genuinely cares for me (which I couldn't believe at first, but have no doubt now), and I have the best friends in the world, I would never ask for anyone better in my life, because It's not possible! My life has been so absolutely perfect lately, it doesn't make since. I think to myself at times and (talking to myself, of course) say, "This is my life? My life? I'm actually happy for once?".

Being totally honest with you (and openly embarrassing myself), I have cried (like, literally shed tears) 5 or 6 times since December (that's 3 weeks alone). Every time I cried has been tears of happiness and joy. Though, thinking back, I can't help but feel embarrassed that I cried, It all leads me back to my life. The life I'm living has been so great, I've been so happy, shared so many happy memories with people, that I've cried. That has never happened to me before.

I'm going into my first Christmas with Jessica and she wants me to be a part of her family's Christmas. She wants me to come over on Christmas Eve and make cookies, read the Christmas story, and create... memories. I have to admit, I'm a little nervous about it all, but I'm also excited. If I can survive eating dinner with her parents last Sunday (I was so nervous, I shook like a leaf!), then I can survive this.

I want to thank everyone in my life right now, if you know me, you probably read my blog. If you don't, I'm glad you enjoy reading this (which also slightly creeps me out, but hey! I made it pubic....). I truly wish I could thank every single person in my life who's made it better. If it wasn't for them, I would still be depressed, probably sulking about the holidays, and contemplating suicide again. No more shall that ever happen, thanks to my loving and wonderful friends. I can't wait to see what the future (and Christmas break) has for me.

Side note: Also, today is my sisters birthday, she's turning 17 years old today, which blows my mind! I want to wish my sister a happy, HAPPY birthday and hope that all of her dreams for the following year are met!! She is going to be one semester from graduating a year from now, that's crazy! I love my sister so much and I can't wait to see the happy and wonderful things life has to bring her. Happy birthday sis, you rock!

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