Saturday, December 31, 2011

Perfect day? Kinda. Ish...

So this week has been pretty much an interesting ride. I am starting to hate my sister boyfriend again, but I haven't murdered him yet. We'll see what happens, but most likely, I'll just control myself like I always do. It's no big deal. Yet.

Wednesday and Thursday

Nothing worth mentioning happened. It was boring for me. They were days without my Jess. Just... not worth mentioning (Besides, when nothing happens, I can't remember). Oh yeah! I called off work for no reason Thursday night, but that's about the only thing worth mentioning. My Thursday plans were cancelled and postponed.

Friday

Side note: Alexis and Sierra spent the night on Thursday, but I want to go past that and get to the important part, being Jessica. It just seemed fair to mention that they stayed the night, because Alexis helped us out later Friday afternoon, which I'll get to soon enough in the post...

Friday, OH FRIDAY! My Thursday night plans to see Jessica were delayed because her mom had a doctors appointment. Apparently, Jessica's mom has some kind of growth in her leg that turned out to be cancer. It was a heart-wrenching week for Jessica. She is going through a lot right now and her January 2012 experience won't be as great as she was expecting. She doesn't know if the cancer in her moms leg is benign or malignant  yet, but she is going to find out soon. All I know is that I'm going to be here for her and I'm going to keep Jessica and her mom in my prayers. Jessica means a lot to me and that includes her family.

Well Jessica changed her Thursday plans with me for Friday. She was going to come over Thursday night, spend the night with me, and spend Friday with me. What ended up happening was Jessica came over to my house at 9am and spend the day with me until she went up at 10pm that night (more like 10:16pm, but who's watching the time?). I was glad she came over too, we had a good day (as far as Jessica and I being together).

Before we had our lunch date, I wanted to go to Price Chopper and buy some Dr. Pepper (we live so close, it was no hassle to walk), which Jessica said was a good idea, so we both walked over there and got the soda (lucky for me, they were having a sale! 78 cents for a 2 litter (limit 4), so I grabbed for and took em' home with me)!!

When we got home though, Tommy had cornered my cat under the sink and was clicking his "empty" air soft gun at my cat! I picked him up (he is literally a light weight sack of bones) and threw him out of the room, getting in his face, and telling him to leave my cat alone. He got really pissed all of a sudden and stomped upstairs, which made me feel uncomfortable. He came back down and had an EPISODE. Kind of like you see on movies when people have a serious disorder and can't process things in there brains correctly. It was like that. He started FREAKING OUT! He was screaming at my sister, saying he was leaving her, saying it was too much, and crying. He was also ranting about how he wasn't going to hurt himself (because my sister thought he was).

It scared Jessica, because she decided to hide in the hallway by the laundry room while it happened. Turns out, Stephen (A MORON from school, who is NO LONGER my friend) was texting Tommy, threatening to come to MY HOUSE and (this may be wrong, but from what I understand, this is it...) beat the crap out of Tommy. Now I was so glad it wasn't about me yelling at him for harassing the cat. It was much bigger then that and when I found out it was Stephen, I GOT PISSED!

I really hate people who do drugs, talk crap to people, and are just generally bad people. People like Stephen are just stupid. I'm sorry. You can't ALWAYS be right and you CAN'T talk crap to me. I won't let you. I'll just get in your face and yell back. This made the entire house full of a bad vibe, which made me mad. I gave Tommy a glass of water and told him it was fine, to calm down drink the water. I then decided to go outside and give Stephen a phone call.

He didn't answer. Typical. So I sent him a text message. I clarified the whole problem by texting him. I simply told him that, as a friend, I was only trying to clarify and get some answers, and I wanted to know what was going on. In the end, I found out Stephen was bluffing the whole time. He wasn't even at home. He wasn't going to walk over to my house and beat up Tommy. He was full of crap. That made Tommy feel a lot better, which pretty much resolved the whole problem.

Tommy said he was sorry for ruining my perfect day with Jessica, but honestly, I care about my sister. I care about her a lot. If she is in love with Tommy, then him getting hurt would, in result, hurt her. I have to put aside my feelings about Tommy and think about my sister. I love her so much and I would never want my sister to get hurt. I care about her too much. So I had to help Tommy so it eased the minds of both Hannah and Tommy.

Side note: Though I did find out, while I was at Price Chopper, that Tommy put a HUGE hole the wall upstairs AND in my sisters door. People like Tommy scare me. They make me afraid. If he starts with harassing and TORTURING my cats, then he will slowly move up to people. That's how it begins! The day he lays a hand on my sister is the day he gets to pick out a tombstone. I'm not playing games when it comes to my sister. If he can't control his anger, I will control it for him. Permanently. That's a promise I intend to keep.

Anyway, we had a lunch date after that, which was great. We went to Sonic (I let her pick, don't start complaining) and got some sandwiches and brought them home to eat. We went up to my room and ate them before getting ready for the movie date we had planned. Not much else to mention about lunch.

We decided to go see a movie at 4pm because it was the last time I get to see Jessica in 2011. I was really sad that I couldn't see her New Years Eve and give her a kiss a midnight, but in 2012, that will happen! We'll both be in much better places and we'll be able to be together! As for the movie, nothing ever goes as planned with me.

Alexis agreed to take us to the movies, because my mom wouldn't be home soon and the only 2D showing was at 4pm. We go in, walk up to the counter, and I ask for 2 tickets for the 2D showing of The adventures of Tin Tin at 4pm and the man at the counter (who I seem to always get when I'm with Jessica and go to the movies) tells me the movie isn't until 4:45pm. My heart skipped a beat.

"W-what?" I asked

"The Adventures of Tin Tin isn't showing until 4:45pm."

I wasn't happy, but I wasn't upset either. I'm used to things going as we DON'T plan it. We decided to walk to K-Mart (which was practically next door to the movies) and look around for 30 minutes. We had a good time and at 4:30pm, we went back to the movies and bought our drinks (we had eaten lunch so popcorn wasn't an option today).

We got out of the movie around 6:30 ish (I can't exactly remember, because I didn't look at a clock until I got home). Jessica and I enjoyed the movie and had a really good time. It was a fun night, up until I got home. My mom picked us up and told about what had happened while we were gone. Trust me, I NEVER WAN'T TOMMY IN MY HOUSE AGAIN!!!

The last thing I needed was the lunch disturbance, but for what he did while I was at the movies, that was SO NOT NECESSARY!! Turns out that while we were gone, he took my cat Sebastian (the black cat who  my mom loves) and poured mouthwash (the off brand mouthwash with alcohol in it) all over my cat, getting it in his eyes and all over his body. How my cat let Tommy hold him down for so long baffles me, but my bathroom upstairs is a MESS now. I walked in the house and the ENTIRE HOUSE reeked of mouthwash. I could hardly breath and it gave me a massive headache. As for Jessica, it made her eyes hurt really bad.

Tommy said the cat poked a hole in the mouthwash, but it's been under our sink, unused, for the 3 years we've lived here. That story is BOGUS and my mom knew it. By the way, when my mom got home and saw the hole in the wall and my sisters door, SHE WAS BEYOND PISSED!!! She goes out of her way to pick up Tommy, and taxi him back and forth everywhere, and this is how he treats her house? I DON'T THINK SO!!

She told me she's about to ban him from the house, literally, not let him come over EVER again. She is so scared that Sebastian will have a heart attack and she almost cried last night about it. She is totally scared for his life. I'm just scared for my sisters life. We don't know what Tommy was thinking, but he crosses the line when he messes with my mom's cat. She loves that animal more then she loves money. She has grown attached to that animal and if he dies, she will lose it. She will not be the same person.

Jessica and I went to my room and soon after we did, my mom took Hannah and Tommy to the movies for there double date with Alexis (who was interested in this guy but didn't wanna go on a first date alone). Jessica and I spend the night in my room, talking and having a good time.

We even thought up a GREAT book idea!! It has a great plot and it's going to be in the genre of non-fiction Fantasy! It'll have elves, mortals, satyrs, and a few we create ourselves! It's going to be awesome. We're making it 3rd person from the perspective of both main characters! It'll be similar to 'The Lost Hero' by Rick Riordan, switching from the first person perspective of each character! I actually love the idea and we brainstormed for about 35 minutes, until we had to take Jessica home.

We took Jessica home at 10pm and when I got home, I text Jessica for awhile until we both went to bed around 11:20pm. I was not happy about what Tommy did still and he even had the nerve to come back to our house after the double date, making my mom take him home! It was really gutsy to do too. He may not know how pissed off my mom was, but I sure as hell did!

Not to mention, as soon as I saw Alexis pull up to drop off Tommy and Hannah, I bolted for my cat and took her upstairs, hiding her from Tommy in my room. I wasn't going to let my cat get scared again. Not a chance in hell. I ended up falling asleep afraid that Tommy would do something again, but when I woke up, he wasn't here and I was still alive.

As for Jessica, She'll be in Branson, MO until Monday when she returns. I'm hoping to see her again on Tuesday because school starts again on Wednesday, which is a dumb day to start again, but OH WELL! It'll be the last semester I spend in high school and then I'll be off to college in the fall with Jessica.

I just hope that between now and then, the place were living in doesn't fall apart...

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Words of a Rambling Blind Girl!

So I wanted to take the time out of my regular blogging to tell you about my girlfriends blog. Yes, Jessica has a blog and it is totally amazing! It is a new blog so the design isn't as incredibely mind-blowing as mine, but it's still pretty freakin' sweet!


This is my Jess! I love how she is totally into penguins like me! WE BOTH LOVE THEM SO FREAKIN' MUCH!!!! Well I guess there's a 2nd half to every person and I found mine. Please make sure you take the time out of your very busy blog reading schedule and check out her blog too! Following her blog would make her very happy, because she wants to know I'm not the only person (other than a few Russians) who read her blog.


I'm going to try to help with the design best I can over the following month or two, maybe we'll eventually find something sexy and stylish that works for her. I'm going to make her a WICKED SWEET banner once the semester starts again and I have free access to Photoshop again!

Anyway, thanks for taking the time to read this and please go check out her blog, it'd make her very happy.

Monday, December 26, 2011

Christmas Weekend Plus Two

This weekend has been so incredible! I can't believe how insanely great it's been and I'm excited, after this weekend, for my very bright future with Jessica! I know I haven't posted since Wednesday, but this week has been insanely crazy, as you'll soon find out!

Wednesday

First of all, my sister enjoyed her birthday, she got some neat presents (nothing I like, but thankfully because it's not my birthday) and I'm glad my mom could do something SEPARATE from Christmas this year. Usually my mom combined the both and my sister just got more presents than any of us on Christmas, but my sister always complained (because my Birthday is in July when everyone has money and her's, well... isn't!), so my mom made them separate this year, which she liked.

My week follow was just sleeping in late and doing practically nothing. I don't have anymore Wednesday  night services at church until January now, so that's what I didn't do. I pretty much became Sid the Sloth all week and did jack-squat. I didn't have a reason to do anything, so I didn't!

Though on Wednesday, my sister wanted to go to Thrift stores for her birthday and look for some cool stuff. She was trying to find a new, affordable dresser, which she didn't find, but she had an alright time, she said (though her face didn't agree).

Side note: my sister wanted to leave before her boyfriend got a chance to come over, but that didn't happen because everybody was being slow-pokes and squandered the time. Tommy got there and we had to deal with him. I don't have anything against Tommy these days, we are fine, but my sister seems to have a Love-Hate relationship with Tommy. She says she loves him, but always complains. With Jessica, I don't complain about anything. I want her to be with me, I love her, so much. I can't see my life any other way than with her.

So we left the house and I had wanted to go to Kohls, because I had gotten a $25 gift card from my friend Kelsey! I had given Kelsey a wicked nice scarf and hat that Jessica made, which Kelsey told me she loved! I also got this awesome card with a penguin on it! Man, I love penguins...

So we went to Kohls first, because my mom said that was fine. I didn't know Hannah didn't want to go or I would have gone later. I ended up upsetting Hannah, because she wanted to go to thrift stores and my mom went to Kohls. It was her birthday and I should have gone to Kohls later. On the plus, we went to thrift stores next. Though we only went to two, it was okay.

Side note: The thing about Tommy is that you can't take him places where there's lots of stuff. He will be stuck looking and oogling and begging to show off something "rare" or "collectible" that he's surprised costs so less. Tommy cool in my book, don't get me wrong, I don't mean this is the wrong way, but I'm not sure if Tommy has it all goin' on in the mailing room of his brain. No offense!

Well we finally left Kohls when Tommy made us go all around looking at stuff. The dude got ME DISTRACTED! I found some penguin Christmas ordainment's and went nuts with envy because I couldn't have them! I also saw this REALLY NICE camera that was on sale!! It was a SAH-WEET camera that was only 60 bucks, I even have a picture!!


It was a shame that I couldn't get the camera either! I mean, I had the money on me and I could have, but I made a rule with myself (being my first year Christmas shopping). I will NOT buy myself ANYTHING until I have bought ALL GIFTS for everyone else. When I'm done Christmas shopping, and if I have some extra money, then I can buy myself something nice. It ensures I get everything a gift that I plan to buy for.

Side note: I didn't buy for 3 people, which I feel terrible about. I won't say who because they read my blog and I don't want them to be all like, "What?! He was GOING TO buy for me but... FORGOT?!!" Yeah, not going to let that happen...

So after we left Kohls, we finally went to some thrift store across from the library and my sister didn't get the results she wanted. Being who I am, the only thing I did was scan the store for penguins. I don't care about anything but penguins. Thrift stores are great for finding good prices stuffed animals and ordainment's (like snow globes and figurines). I collect ANY KIND of penguins. I have a bunch of stuffed animals, but I also have snow globes and figurines in my room.

Side note: One day, because I'll be rich, instead of having a 'Trophy Room' (because I don't see myself being awesome at bowling or football anytime soon), I'll have a 'Penguin Room'. A room to put ALL my penguins in. I'm not just a nut job collector who won't get rid of junk. I collect as an actual hobby and lover of penguins! PENGUINS FREAKIN' ROCK!!!

So after that, Alexis showed up conveniently, because I had been texting her and she asked where we were (I can't believe I fell into that one). Well we all went to another thrift store that was bigger (and still open at 5:30pm) and had furniture! My sister looked for a dresser while I scanned the place for penguins! In that huge place, I only found 5 penguins in the whole place. I was disappointed. Very disappointed.

On the upside, I found this REALLY AWESOME COUCH!!! It was only 40 bucks and it would have looked PERFECT in my room, but NO! my mom said I couldn't buy it. I also had to follow my own Christmas rule, which sucked worse. Well we finally left the place when it was past 7pm, I think, and that was the only thing about my day worth remembering.

Side note: I did, however, get Taco Bell for dinner that night, which was good, because my mom got it for free. I was also texting Jessica ALL DAY during this and my phone was about to die. Luckily, I made it home on time thanks to Alexis!! So I quickly charged my phone and continued texting Jessica.

Thursday

So Thursday was just another day without Jessica. I text her all day and got through the day. The only thing worth mentioning, honestly, was that Thursday night I was trying (but didn't get around to it) to work on my newest short story, No Curfew, and listening to music at the same time, but the music distracted me and I didn't write very much.

On the plus side, I rediscovered KJ-52 and Blake Lewis (which are totally different genres (christian rap and secular) and that's funny to me)! I totally forgot how much I loved Blake Lewis! I have his first album, Audio Daydream, and it totally rocks! I shared a few songs with Jessica and she totally loved them, the songs by Blake Lewis (I don't think Jessica will like rap very much, haha)! In fact, I can fancily add a playlist with the 3 songs she loved!


Keep in mind, this is a PLAYLIST, so there are 3 songs on here, not just the one...

Friday

I woke up on Friday and my house was quiet. I look at my phone to check the time and see that it's early. Too early. I groan and squeeze the pillow tighter, shutting out the light from my window, which ended with a big FAIL! I wiped the sleep from my eyes and sat up. I stand up and stretch, wishing I had slept longer. I sleepily walk down the hallway and stumble down the stairs.

I make my way to the couch and lay back, relaxing. Eventually, I get the computer and turn it on, ready to check my Facebook notifications. I open Google Chrome and pull up my Facebook---

Haha.

Okay, I'm not going to write this is first person, but it's fun to read, right? Anyway, turns out my dad went to St. Louis to pick up my brother and my mom and sister didn't wake up until past 10:30am. I was chillin' on Facebook playin' a few of the apps I enjoy (I don't like playing a bunch, so I only pick a few and ignore the rest). I had cereal for the first time in MONTHS on Friday! IT WAS AN AWESOME EXPERIENCE!!! I had Frosted Flakes, almost choked to death, and overall enjoyed it! Fun...

In other news, when my dad finally got back, my mom talked to my brother Alex for about 20 minutes (it may have been 10 minutes, but I was distracted, which you'll find out why soon enough) before finally leaving the house. I was texting Jessica and she was allowed to come over! WOO HOO!! Well my brother Alex came along for the ride, so we went to pick up Jessica and then my mom had to go get her paycheck.

I didn't mind, I got to see Jessica, so HAHA! I was excited, stoked, and happy as a squirrel at a nut convention! Okay, maybe slightly dramatic but I'm allowed! I just held Jessica in my arms, on the way, as my mom went to get her paycheck, and on the way home.

On the way home, my mom stopped to get some pizza, which was TOTALLY DELICIOUS!! As an added bonus, when I got home, my brother Adam was home! So I now got to see my 2 brothers I never get to see these days! I mean, I never get to see ANY of my brothers EVER, but it was awesome seeing Adam and Alex. I loved that. Not to mention, Jessica got to meet them too!

In my opinion, personally, I don't know if it was too soon for Jessica to "meet my family" if you know what I mean. If you think about it though, I've known Jessica since July (or as Jessica says, middle school. Look, I don't remember knowing her in middle school, I don't even remember middle school PERIOD, haha. But I'll just take her word for it). Is that too soon to meet my family? Probably not, but ever since I've started dating Jessica, I worry about all kinds of stuff, which seems dumb to me and makes me feel stupid, but Jessica says it's cute and she likes that I worry so much.

Maybe I need to just calm down. I mean, c'mon... I'm not going to cause a problem out of nothing. I could, but that would be stupid! It was Christmas, it was going to happen regardless. So I didn't mind. Also, I brag about Jessica to everyone so meeting her is always fun for everyone, because they know I'm not exaggeration, but totally honest about how great she is!

NOBODY CAN BELIEVE HOW AWESOME SHE IS!!!
AND NOBODY KNOWS HOW I GOT SO LUCKY!!!

I mean, I feel totally lucky. Anyway, we ate the pizza and had a good time, until Jessica and I decided to go watch Kung Fu Panda 2 (Jessica's DVD, not mine (God I wish though), I'm not THAT lucky). We watched the movie, mostly, and talked. I love watching movies with Jessica. She crawls into my arms and I hold her. She lays her head on my chest and her smile proves how totally and perfectly she is in that moment. It never gets old.

We eventually took Jessica home around Midnight, because that was her curfew, but I had the greatest time with her.

Saturday

SATURDAY WAS A FREAKIN' BLAST!! I went to Jessica's house and had the greatest time EVER!! It was the first time I went to Jessica's house and STAYED there. Look, to be fair with you, I will be honest. I WAS NERVOUS AS HELL!! I mean, it was Christmas Eve so her dad wasn't home, he had to keep Jessica's younger brother out of the house, and Jessica's mom was sleeping. She told me I could pick out a movie to watch, but I was so nervous, I couldn't think strait.

I guess it's just a 'Zach thing'. I mean, Jessica had to get something out of her room while I picked out a movie, so I tried telling myself to calm down. I... Well, I slapped myself a couple of times and told myself to calm down, to stop being so nervous. Of course, Jessica heard me and saw me slapping myself. I stopped, turned to look, saw Jessica, and she busted out laughing.

Oh great, now I look like a weirdo in front of my girlfriend! I was blushing like crazy too! Good thing she thought it was funny and not creepy. That's a positive reaction. Anyway, she picked out a movie and we watched it on the couch. Jessica's dad and brother got home during the movie and then pretty soon, to speed things up, Jessica woke up her mom and her parents both went to the store to buy groceries for dinner. When they left, we put in another movie and James went to play in his room.

When Jessica's parents got home, I helped bring in groceries and they made lasagna. It was THE LEGENDARY LASAGNA! The lasagna Jessica brags about and I was like, "GAHH!! I MUST HAVE SOME!!!"

Well I offered to help, but I guess I was better off out of the kitchen, but for my first visit, I wanted to leave a positive reaction with her parents. I offered to help, I need to show that I'm a nice, good person, just in case they need some proof. Parents always watch out for there daughters. So I'm not going to screw things up. I played it safe.

On the plus, I watched the 2001 version of, Planet of the Apes! It was AWESOME TOO!! After that, I watched the new 2011 version of, Rise of the Planet of the Apes! IT FREAKIN' ROCKED!!!!

During the movie, the lasagna was finished and Jessica brought me some. I took a bite, I chewed, I tasted, I smiled, and finally swallowed.

IT WAS THE BEST LASAGNA I HAVE EVER HAD IN MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm not even being dramatic, IT FREAKING ROCKED!!! I had to go back for seconds, it was INSANELY GOOD!! My God, Jessica knows how to make some TASTY GRUB!! (I think her mom helped make it too, so I have to give her credit too).

Well when the movie ended, I had to go home, which was fine. I already knew I would see her AGAIN on Sunday. So I went home around 9:30pm.

Sunday

Sunday was the freakin' bomb! I woke up at 9am, got out of bed 20 minutes later, took a shower, and got ready for church at 10am. Jessica is allowed to go to church with me now, which I'm SO THANKFUL FOR, but she thought church was 11 - 12pm, but it was 10am - 11am. Well she showed up around 10:30am, which made me giggle on the inside. I was happy that she came though, because I had invited my dad to go to church for once (it was a short service, I gave him a free pass, this week).

Okay, maybe I'm a little harsh on him, but it's okay, I love my dad now. I used to hate the guy, but I forgave him, and now I'm moving on, hopefully to a place where I'm in college, away from him, so this happiness can't change to anger or hate again, ever! I know how things work out between me and my father so I want to keep it peaceful. For the sake of balance.

Side note: In actuality, there is no happy balance for me. I mean, recently, there has been, but it's probably just being in love with Jessica. It's like Novocaine and Jessica numbed the pain of everything in my world. I didn't feel the hurt or sadness. The depression surrounding me, once my good friend, had been blocked out and I was in a new world. I started to fly and I was so high, nothing could catch me! Maybe that explains why I've been so forgiving to my father, I am a totally new person now.

I'm going to break things down in a list (bear with me), from my understanding.



  1. Bethany adds me to CW Club on Facebook
  2. I meet Jessica (and Tracy) on CW Club
  3. I meet Jessica (and Tracy) at a CW Meeting
  4. I "fall in love" with Bethany
  5. Bethany makes me go to church with her
  6. I get saved and became a Christian (an actual Christian)
  7. I get my heart broken by Bethany
  8. I get super depressed and hate life
  9. I get suicidal
  10. I deal with life, best I can
  11. I talk to Jessica more frequently
  12. I become close friends with Jessica (and Tracy, but more Jessica)
  13. I start to grow feelings for Jessica. 
  14. I keep them to myself because Jessica was already in a relationship
  15. Jessica is single
  16. I respect Jessica enough to keep my feelings enough
  17. I finally tell Jessica (who gets it out of me)
  18. I date Jessica
  19. All depression, sadness, anger, and resentment leave me
  20. I forgive my dad and no longer "hate him"
  21. Life is seemingly perfect


I hope you understand that as I do. It was a pretty long list. I just hope I can stay on solid ground with my father. I really do love him, I just have a hard time believing that at times. I'm going to work on that.

After church, Jessica went home with me and we spent the day together. Jessica got to meet the good side of my family (which I was happy about, because I have some sketchy family members, as does everyone). So I don't confuse you, I'm going to just tell you flat out who was there so you can hopefully make better since of it.

  • Brian - 28 years old (brother)
  • Adam - 24 years old (brother)
  • Alex - 21 years old (brother)
  • Zachary (that's me!) - 18 years old
  • Hannah (Sister)
  • Sharon (aunt)
  • Michelle (Sister in-law)
  • Tylor (Nephew)
  • My Mom
  • My Dad

Well there you have it, we had a full house in my small duplex. My family and Jessica. It was a good Christmas for me. I absolutely loved it! Pretty much, I got some movies, penguins stuff, and clothes. I was happy. I didn't even expect that much either, so I was surprised. I still need to give Tracy her 2 gifts. I'll do that for New Years probably though!

Anyway, I got Sherlock Holmes (the first one) for Christmas and Jessica and I went up to my room to watch it later that night (the rest was crazy photo pictures my mom wanted to take, mehh!). Well we went up to watch the movie and had a really good night! It was fun to watch a movie with Jessica (again), because it NEVER gets old! It's fun every time! I love it.

Well Jessica went home around 10:15pm Sunday night and I miss her today, so much. It's so weird not seeing her today. I got to see her 3 days in a row! That's totally rare, I know, and for it to be on Christmas weekend, was even MORE RARE!

God, I love Jessica so much! I love her more than anyone could understand. Holding her in my arms, feeling her heartbeat, knowing she feels as passionately in love with me as I do her... Nothing is better than that. Ever.

Christmas was great, but Jessica made it worth getting through. 

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

The Grace of kindness!

So I am totally stoked that Semester one of my Senior year of High School is finally finished and over with! I'm excited to enjoy winter break and start Semester two fresh and brand new! First and foremost, I am truly excited that I got to sleep in today! Anytime past 7am is sleeping in to me so getting up at 8:45am was perfectly fine with me!

So yesterday was probably the scariest day of my entire life. Not really, but I'm trying to be dramatic (work with me). I had my weight training final, which went smoother than I planned. I thought we would max on weights and run both, but we just maxed on weights. I don't mean to brag but on the Strait Bar Dead Lift, I maxed at 315 pounds... Yeah, I see that as pretty impressive. It blew Jessica's mind when I told her (I'm a big, strong man, haha). I also got 245 pounds on Bench and squats the same. We maxed on a fourth, but I forget it.  I know what it is, but I forget what it's called, which sucks. That was my weakest anyway, so I'm okay with that.

After Weight Training was my Tech Theatre final. Sadly, I do believe yesterday was the last day I'll be seeing Tiffany. I really wish things had ended on a high note. I don't honestly know how it ended though. I do believe I redeemed myself on the field trip earlier in the semester. I don't like having a relationship with someone that is left awkward or unsure. I mean, I want to ask Tiffany to sign my yearbook (like I did last year), but I'm afraid she won't want to. I mean, she'll probably sign if I ask, so things aren't instantly awkward, but I don't think she'll want to, if you know what I mean. As I always say though, "Let come what may...".

As far as the Tech Theatre final, I had an A+ all semester, I know I'll pass the class. It was so easy, it made me laugh at myself. We had a paper final and an evaluation final. The evaluation was just building on the stage. Making sure we worked well and could follow directions, etc... It was simple stuff. I hope I can take the class next semester, but we'll see.

Side note: Next semester, I am set to take Stage Craft on A days and Tech Theatre on B days (both 6-7 block), but If I can work it out, I'm going to try to get my license before Semester 2 and get work release. Meaning I can leave school after lunch (right after 5th hour). I don't need the credit anyway, honestly, all I need is .5 Communication Arts Credit. I'm taking CA 2nd hour next semester so I'm happy with my HS experience right now. I'm hoping to get our early and enjoy my life sooner, but we'll see what happens...

After my Tech Theatre final, we sat around until 12:04 when the teacher let us leave class. He thought we got out and the bell didn't ring, but some students tricked him into thinking that, so we got out 20 minutes early. I thought it was clever (although, maybe he knew and played us)... Either way you roll the dice, we got out early. I had lunch after class, which was some strange pasta that tasted pretty good.

I scarfed my food and than walked to Mr J's room to get help on some hw assignments last minute he has allowed me to work on, which I was very, VERY thankful for. You see, Mr J and I have had our differences this semester, but in the end, everything worked out fine. He's a great guy and actually cares about his students. He may have rules, but that's okay. We ended the semester on a high note.

Side note: Going into my Prob and Stat final on Monday, I had a 52%. After taking the final (around 3 o'clock that afternoon), I had a 58% in his class. I had failed his class. I needed a .5 math credit and I blew it. I was a selfish butt head and blamed my teacher for all my problems in life, all because I needed to put blame on someone and, because he resembled my dad (as far as characteristics and personality), I picked my math teacher. It was stupid, wrong, and immature. I was my fault that I was so depressed, my fault that I couldn't focus in class because I didn't care. It was ALL my fault. I realize that now.

Mr. J let me do EVERY homework assignment I didn't do that semester, EVERY SINGLE ONE, and turn it in for half credit. I was so happy and did that right away on Monday night. Sadly, I hadn't learned squat because I didn't focus in class. So I ended up getting help after school on Tuesday. Mr J was so nice to me about it all too, helping me out and actually (so it seemed to me!) wanting me to pass!! I didn't doubt for a second that he didn't care. He is a good person and I'm thankful for that (I know I've said it once, but I'm saying it again)!

The point is, I left his class room around an hour later with a 60% in the gradebook. I had gotten the .5 credit and I no longer needed a math credit to graduate! I was strait up trippin' on joy! I was happy, happy, happy, happy, HAPPY!!! I was 'dancing down the hallway' happy! Though I stopped when I saw the principle walking by... Awkward moment. I just walked faster down the hallway.

So the first thing I did was text Jessica! I was strait up excited and needed to share that with someone! She had always believed in me and for that I'm thankful too!! You know what? I've noticed so many things since December. I noticed I have a girlfriend who loves me more than anything (and who's family likes me too), A church family who genuinely cares for me (which I couldn't believe at first, but have no doubt now), and I have the best friends in the world, I would never ask for anyone better in my life, because It's not possible! My life has been so absolutely perfect lately, it doesn't make since. I think to myself at times and (talking to myself, of course) say, "This is my life? My life? I'm actually happy for once?".

Being totally honest with you (and openly embarrassing myself), I have cried (like, literally shed tears) 5 or 6 times since December (that's 3 weeks alone). Every time I cried has been tears of happiness and joy. Though, thinking back, I can't help but feel embarrassed that I cried, It all leads me back to my life. The life I'm living has been so great, I've been so happy, shared so many happy memories with people, that I've cried. That has never happened to me before.

I'm going into my first Christmas with Jessica and she wants me to be a part of her family's Christmas. She wants me to come over on Christmas Eve and make cookies, read the Christmas story, and create... memories. I have to admit, I'm a little nervous about it all, but I'm also excited. If I can survive eating dinner with her parents last Sunday (I was so nervous, I shook like a leaf!), then I can survive this.

I want to thank everyone in my life right now, if you know me, you probably read my blog. If you don't, I'm glad you enjoy reading this (which also slightly creeps me out, but hey! I made it pubic....). I truly wish I could thank every single person in my life who's made it better. If it wasn't for them, I would still be depressed, probably sulking about the holidays, and contemplating suicide again. No more shall that ever happen, thanks to my loving and wonderful friends. I can't wait to see what the future (and Christmas break) has for me.

Side note: Also, today is my sisters birthday, she's turning 17 years old today, which blows my mind! I want to wish my sister a happy, HAPPY birthday and hope that all of her dreams for the following year are met!! She is going to be one semester from graduating a year from now, that's crazy! I love my sister so much and I can't wait to see the happy and wonderful things life has to bring her. Happy birthday sis, you rock!

Monday, December 19, 2011

Weekend with My Jess

So you already know about the date I had on Friday, but you don't know about what happened on Saturday and Sunday, which is pretty much a really big highlight of my week. Yes, I will tell you, but no, you don't get to know everything in my life, personally, because I'm not sure how smart it is to put all my thoughts out here. Oh well, I'm going to give you A LOT of information though.

Saturday:

So Saturday was boring for the reason that I didn't do anything productive all day except clean out my closet and find a bunch of shirts that don't fit me (which I'll be giving to my nephew). I had a party I had to get ready for Saturday night, so I cleaned the closet to find something I could get rid of, for my white elephant gift.

I eventually found my old news paper bags and wrapped them, since I don't have anything else to get rid of except old shoes (which is too common for white elephant). It was so funny to see-- Wait, I'll get to that. Anyway, so i cleaned out my closet and put things back in organized. In the process, I found my MP3 player (that I thought I lost), all my books, and my shoes (my nice, sports shoes) that I've only worn once. It was a great day. I also found some headphones I didn't know were in my closet (That looked new), all I need are some triple A batteries and I'm set for music business!

Later that night, we left to go to the party. By 'we', I mean my parents drove me to the party and dropped me off. I went alone. No way I would let my parents go into that house. Bleck! Anyway, The party was great! Any party with a Taco Bar is excellent to me (I love tacos)!!! After the white elephant gift exchange (where I got this goofy flower thing in an ugly metal holder (I don't have a pic, sorry (I'm to lazy to do that)).

Anyway, we also played 'Apples to apples' and 'Taboo' and when Lloyd and Amanda showed up, we had dessert! (mostly because they brought it (I think) but it was great regardless. You give a fat guy dessert, he's gonna eat it! I loved all the food too! Chocolate for dessert and Tacos as a main course? HELL YEAH!!

So the party went great, I pretty much talked to Jessica after the party on the phone (or did we text?...), either way, we talked after the party until I went to bed. It was a fun night. Well except being squished in the car on the ride home (apparently Bethany had to take everyone home). That was fun regardless. For some reason, getting a ride home from a friend is awesome because there a friend. I mean, it doesn't matter that your squished in the back (which I technically wasn't, but I don't know how else to word it), because I love getting rides home from someone I like being around. Bethany is a great person and friend and I'm thankful I know her.

Sunday:

Sunday was freakin' awesome!! I finally got Jessica to go to church with  me (which took some serious persuasion, but now that I'm her boyfriend, I guess her dad agreed)!! I was so excited!! I have never known someone who has accepted ALL OF ME before. If you're only going to accept half of me, that won't be enough for me. I want you to love ALL OF ME or none at all... I'm sorry, but I don't need a part of my life alone and a part with 'whoever that person is'. Anyway, she liked the service and came back AGAIN Sunday night for the Candle light service!!

Side note: Jessica's father (Father sounds better than dad to me, I don't know why) came with her to service Sunday morning too and is a reason why she came again Sunday night. I was hoping that she would be allowed to go and I'm thankful she went.

It was funny though, everyone who talked to her already knew who she was, just because she was sitting next to me. Hey, I love bragging about my girlfriend. How perfect she is to me and how everyone will love her. It's great for a conversation.... In my opinion.

Jessica said she'd never been somewhere where the people already knew her before she came. It was a little weird. I understand. If I suddenly met 10 or 15 new people who already knew me and thought I was cool, it'd be weird for me. Sorry Jess... Didn't know it'd make you feel awkward.

After the Candle light service, Jessica's parents went to eat dinner and invited me to go along, which I accepted (mostly because Jessica mouthed the words 'Don't say no!' to me). I feel like I'm imposing on people when I eat with them, especially with Jessica's family. It was strange being on the other side of the table.

Usually it's my mom taking people everywhere and I never thought about how awkward that'd be, because my mom is so cool and friendly with everyone. I was so nervous and shaking and probably looked it too (which Jessica said I did). To top it all off, Jessica told her parents, in front of me, that I was incredibly nervous. Thanks Jess, that made me embarrassed too.

It all worked out though because her parents are super nice to me and like me. Her dad even invited me to her house Christmas Eve, which was really thoughtful (also I had prior already invited Jessica to my house for Christmas). I brag about Jessica to everyone (even before we were friends, but more so now that we are dating), so my sister in-law wants to meet her too because I've said nothing but awesome things about her and she is excited to meet her (hopefully) soon!

In my opinion, I give Jessica plenty of credit. She loves me more than I'll ever comprehend and I love her the same too, so it's only right to brag about each other. In a relationship, you're supposed to love the other person and that's what I'm doing, I'm going to love Jess and be with her until she orders me away (which she says will never happen, so I'm pretty happy).

Life is good, Life is so good. In fact, Live is completely and totally livable right now! With a love like this, I can fly to new heights and explore a world I've only dreamed of.

Saturday, December 17, 2011

My first date!

Last night was another best night of my life, again! I was so happy to see my Jess again. I know a lot of you don't know things before I post them (unless your my Facebook friend) and even then, you don't know everything unless you read this blog. Not to mention, I'm the goof brave (or stupid) enough to post my life for the entire world to read. That's millions of people, holding a microscope to my life. Granted, I don't post everything, but I do post an awful lot! Let's get started...

I went on my first date last night with Jessica. She's not "technically" my first girlfriend, but she is my first serious relationship. I have never had a serious relationship before and to be in love with that person at the same time... It makes everything all the better. Jessica knows I care about her an awful, awful lot, and I already told her about how I feel, and she feels the same. I'm glad that we're both in love and truly happy with each other. It made going on this date even better.

Side note: This is my first date, EVER. And it never goes as pictured, does it? No. It's embarrassing because your nervous. This is proof. Story of my life. Jessica said it was cute that I was so nervous, but I was just embarrassed.

We had agreed to go to the movies and see Happy Feet 2 again, because it's now Jessica's favorite movie! I agree, it's mine too (which used to be Inception)! We got to the movies to find out that they weren't playing Happy Feet 2 anymore. I asked one of the employees why it was gone and they had to make room for new movies just coming out. I understood, but it was totally embarrassing not having a game plan all of a sudden.

To keep from being a horrible boyfriend, I told Jessica she could pick the movie we saw. We ended up going to see Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows. It was a REALLY GOOD MOVIE!!! I LOVED IT!! I mean, I didn't expect to like it so much. I mean, I loved the first one, it was great, but the second one was EVEN BETTER!!! I was really glad things worked out for us.

Side note: Before the movie, when we bought the popcorn and drinks and I was happy up until they asked what we wanted to drink. I turned to ask Jessica (who I thought was next to me, but ended up being behind me) and ended up elbowing her, which was totally embarrassing!! I felt awful and totally apologized, luckily I went slow and she played it off jokingly. It was still totally and completely embarrassing!

After the movie was over, we talked until my mom showed up to pick us up (Yes, my mom drove me to the movies with my girlfriend on my first date, don't remind me of how lame this already was in the big picture). I had a good time with Jessica because we were happy. On the way home, we stopped by Quick Trip and got some food.

YES, I KNOW IT SOUNDS LIKE A LAME DATE, BUT IT WASN'T AS BAD AS IT SOUNDS!! Jessica isn't the material girl who wants you to spend a lot to make her happy. She just wants to be loved and have memories to remember. Anyway, my mom bought everything at Quick Trip anyway so it worked out fine for us.

Side note: Funny story. When we were leaving Quick Trip and going to the car, Jessica walked to the wrong car and almost got in. We quickly told her, before she got to close to the car or got in, that it was the wrong car, and she quickly turned and walked to the right car. We drive a bright red durango, she almost got in a maroon mini van. That was one of the best highlights of my night.

We went home and Jessica and I went to my room to eat dinner and hang out. We ate the dinner, laughed at  the funny jokes we made, and had a good time. We cuddled for an hour, but then Jessica had to go home before midnight (which was her curfew).

I had a really good night. I truly enjoyed our first date. It was completely embarrassing for me, because so many things got flawed and I wasn't as prepared as I had originally planned, but by the end of the night, Jessica still loves me and I make her happy no matter what. For that, I'm very thankful.

Thursday, December 15, 2011

I was actually wrong?

So this is new and weird. I'm apologizing, again. I don't like being wrong, but I am not perfect, only God is. I know that my finals start tomorrow and I am probably supposed to be studying and not posting this blog, but I have easy finals tomorrow. I'm kinda scared about my prob and stat final, like REALLY scared.

I don't have my Prob and Stat final until Monday, but I'm still nervous. I am so scared that I'll fail this class. I NEED THIS CREDIT TO GRADUATE!!! I was so pissed off at the teacher for resembling my father in MANY ways, that I resented him and didn't want to listen to him, learn anything, and was a complete ass in the process. I am sorry, both to Mr. J and anyone else who found that offensive. I was jumping to quick conclusions and I was wrong. Mr. J cares, but for me, it was hard to realize behind all the resemblance to my own father.

Speaking of my own father, we're doing fine these days. I don't hate or resent him as much these days. Sure, he's still pretty annoying, but only for the minor reasons and nothing too major anymore. He should be going back to work next week too! I'm glad because I haven't gotten to watch any of my recordings since he's been home because he NEVER lets my mom, hannah, or me watch TV. EVER! It's HIS TV when he's home, or so he says. But thats just a minor reason why he's annoying. I'll live 2 1/2 weeks without TV.

I have all these finals going on and I have been so caught up in everything, I never stopped to realize that after today I have 3 days of school until the semester is over. I am strait flippin' out!! I have complete senioritis too! I want to graduate, but I want to semester to be longer too, it makes no since, but yet it makes since to me, in my mind (not like anything else does though).

I don't worry about it though, I know I'll do fine. Finals this week are easy. Next week... Not so sure. I'm nervous about that Prob and Stat test, so nervous. I need to just study, study, study! I don't have to worry about the rest though, because I don't need them to graduate. I just take them for fun, in the hopes of helping my GPA (which didn't work out as well as I'd planned).

In the end, I will come out graduating, I know it. I just need to stop tricking myself into believing the lie that, "I can't..." because it's been doing that all semester and I won't let it bite me in the ass when I'm so close to the end.

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Christmas party and Memories

This was probably the best weekend of my life. I can't even begin to explain how great it was, how excellent, how perfect, how wonder, and how spectacular!! Oh wait, yes I can! I am going to share with you something special. I don't know if I want to share it with you, but you know everything else about my life, including my love life, why skip this chapter of my life? Exactly my argument too!

Friday:

Friday was just a regular day up until 4:00pm. I had school, I endured it, I went home, and I cried because my life is pathetic... JUST KIDDING!!! Haha, NO! I came home from school around 3:15, like usual, and, not like usual, took a shower first thing. I wanted my hair to look nice for Jessica, because I was seeing her soon.

Side note: I woke up at 6:15 that morning and took a shower, washing my hair twice so it was soft for Jessica. Call me crazy, but when I have a girlfriend, I am careful to do the 'little things' like washing your hair so it's nice and soft, very well. I washed my hair 4 times on Friday and it was all for Jessica.

I make sure everything was ready for the party (Yes, I was having a Christmas Party, you should already know from previous posts) and had to go get Tracy at 4:15pm. I got ready to leave at 4:15 and got in the car and everything was actually going as planned (except maybe that my dad wasn't in the best mood about having to get Tracy), but we ended up getting Tracy at almost 5pm.

We were supposed to pick her up at 4:15, but didn't end up leaving until 4:16pm. We had to go to the bank, pull out some money for gas to go and get her. We picked her up though! We got home and Carolyn was already there with her boyfriend Nathan. We hung out and everything until Jessica showed up around 6:45pm. Alexis had shown up too around 5:30pm and started making the meat for the Tacos! I was happy to have tacos. I love tacos. Tacos rock. Tacos are like heaven pie. Tacos are not heaven pie though, they're tacos. Wait, I'm rambling.

So when Jessica finally arrived, I ran out to her car and gave her a big hug. I had missed her all week and now that were finally together again, I was happy. I helped her carry her stuff in (which I also did with Tracy) and we sat on the couch. Jessica wasn't that hungry so she didn't eat any tacos when she got there (even though tacos are good!) but we offered twice. I was happy to see my Jess, she makes me so happy.

We sat on the couch and she laid on me and i wrapped my arms around her. We were watching The Mummy when she showed up so we watched that until it ended. When the movie ended, we talked for awhile before going up to my room. Carolyn and Nathan (I can't exactly remember because I wasn't there) either went to Hannah's room or stayed downstairs. I know that by the time the movie was over, Hannah and Tommy showed up (my dad dropped off Hannah at Tommy's to get his stuff before getting Tracy).

Tracy stayed downstairs and talked to Alexis and my mom (and now that I think about it, I think Carolyn and Nathan stayed downstairs). When Jessica and I got to my room we both sat on my bed and talked for awhile.

Side note: Trust me, I'm not trying to lie to you or skip details, but I can't exactly remember what happened. Also, I'm skipping a lot on purpose. Not that I don't care, but I just respect Jessica. She is my girlfriend, she knows I have a blog, she reads it frequently, and she doesn't really want EVERYTHING we do to be posted on this blog. I respect that. Hopefully you can too.

We talked for awhile, probably 10 minutes or so, and we had the entire room to ourselves. I keep trying to think back to what exactly we did, but what I can't get out of my head is that we laid on the bed next to each other, cuddling, and after talking and a long silence, just looking into each others eyes, I finally got my first kiss.

Yes, I can no longer say I haven't kissed someone now. Honestly, getting that first kiss wasn't exactly like I pictured it in my mind. I also saw fireworks blowing up my mind, my thoughts going 120 mph all over my brain, and everything being perfectly magical. In all honesty, I didn't feel that at all.

All I could think about while I kissed Jessica was how much I loved her. I kept thinking that she was the perfect woman for me. She loved me, cared about me, truly loved me back, and wanted me to be with her forever. I wasn't confused, lost, distracted, or any of those things you see in the occasional Hollywood movie. It was real, pure, perfect, and better then anything I could have ever imagined. Jessica is a really great kisser.

We kissed again after that and cuddled even longer. Eventually, while we were cuddling, we noticed an hour and a half had past, because Tracy came upstairs to see why we weren't downstairs at my party. She told us to stop kissing and talk to her, which we did, kinda, and we had a good night.

Side note: Out of the 15 people I invited, 5 showed up (6, if you include Carolyn's boyfriend; 8, if you include my sister and myself). I didn't mind though. Okay, technically, Kayla showed up for an hour, but that would make 5, 7, and 9 (using the above system) and I count that, but it was an on time arrival (but Kayla had to work so she gets an out this time).

Side note (again): I want to share with you this really, REALLY FUNNY story about something that happened when Tracy came in a 2nd time (after she left to get her pajamas on), but I'm not allowed to share it. I think it's the funniest thing that happened at the party, it was a priceless memory, and I would share it if I could, but I simply can't. Jessica is embarrassed when she thinks about it, but I think it's funny! The look on Tracy's face... Priceless. Oh man, I was on the floor laughing... Oh, just know it was really funny.

So the night went pretty much like that. I didn't end up going to bed until somewhere between 2:00am and 2:35am, because I was on my bed with Jessica cuddling. Tracy was going to go to bed, but went downstairs around midnight because my walls are thin and that annoyed her because she couldn't sleep, plus she could hear Jessica and me kissing, which was another funny thing about the party. She went downstairs to try and get them to be quiet but ended up staying down there the entire night, sleeping on the floor in the living room. Oh well, I was happy to be with Jessica.

Saturday:

Sunday morning went pretty well. I woke up around 8:30ish and Jessica was still asleep. She woke up about 5 minutes later, but staring at her was fine. I had her in my arms all night waking up to her beautiful face only made the memory better. When she woke up, she smiled at me and we kissed, again. I think waiting for my first kiss was smart. Now that I'm 18 and an older, wiser person (but not the oldest or wisest), I enjoyed it more than I would have if I'd kissed someone a few years ago. I think we woke up happier than we had before.

I think waking up next to Jessica was the best way I've woken up in my life. No, I don't think, I know. She was the way to wake up. We stayed upstairs until around 9:00 and came downstairs. When we came downstairs, everyone was awake, Carolyn was at a band thing, Alexis was at home, and it was just Hannah, Nathan, Tracy, Jessica, and myself. Plus my parents.

We ate breakfast and after that, we decided to watch, The lightning thief, and Tracy and I complained the whole time, which was fun! I love watching book-movies and complaining when they make it a horrible movie! I'm so glad the last 2 will be cast with new actors/actresses. They ruined the movie.

Anyway, we spent the entire day watching movies pretty much until we took everyone home. Tracy went home at 6 or 7 o'clock. We took Jessica home at around 11 o'clock and that was sad for me, because I don't get to see her again for weeks. I don't even know how long. I'm sad that I can't see her this weekend, even though she's invited to a Christmas party I'm going too. People want to meet her, because of how highly I speak of her and because she's my girlfriend. Meeting her, they'll know why I love her instantly!

Side note: Also, Tracy bout me, Son of Neptune, for Christmas. It's book two of the Percy Jackson (series 2) series. I was stoked because I'm currently on book 1 and excited to read it and book two!

I went to bed as soon as I got home. I miss Jessica every day. I miss her so much. Sure, I can text her and I call her every night, but I just miss her being here. Once I get my license AND we both graduate high school, things will better fall into place.

Think about this, we are BOTH getting English degrees at the SAME college. We are dating now, so it'll be even better at college, with coed dorms and all. I'll figure out the rest when we get there, i'm sure you'll be excited to hear it. I know I am.

Friday, December 9, 2011

I'm such a dorky love boy!

The past few days of this week have been really good, I'm on such a high on love right now, it's not even funny. Okay, it's funny to me. I'm always laughing, smiling, giggling, and being a general dorky love boy, but I go deeper then that these days. Now that I've found my love, I'm been realizing who I want to be. Yes, I'm about to go deep into the crevice of my soul...

So after Tuesday, I was pretty happy. I was happy to see Jessica. Pretty much, we will talk on the phone every night before we go to bed. Usually we talk somewhere between 6:30 and 10:00 until we go to bed around 10:30 to 11:45 sometime. It really makes me happy to talk to Jessica, because she makes me so happy. I love talking to her every night because we always have something to talk about. I never get bored when I talk to her. I just feel complete and I know that I will be happy as long as I'm with her.

We all know I'm crazy in love right now, right? Yes, I hope so. I need to update my blog banner sometime. I'm waiting for my 20 followers before New Years but I don't think that'll happen so I may just update it anyway. Something that'll last a longer time. I don't want a depressing, dark blog. I made the main color black and the text white and the banner depressing all because I was a depressed individual and I didn't understand why I was here.

Now that I see a reason to be happy and cheery, I might give my blog an update. Though I kind of like the black and white layout of my design. It looks nice and my blog is, hopefully to you, easy to navigate. I don't know if you use the tags, but I put those there to give the viewers an Idea of who/what I talk about most. I think this is all going to turn out great, in the end.

So tonight is finally the night I've been waiting for. I have organized a party at my house for about 3 or 4 weeks now, I like planning ahead, and I can't wait to finally see how it comes together. I did this earlier in the year, this summer, and it turned out better then I had expected. A lot of my friends actually showed up and we had a fun time, event though my dad wast there and I don't like him.

Side Note: Speaking of that, My dad and I have been getting along recently. I used to think he was the spawn of Satan and I hated the guy with such a strong passion, it was unreal, but now that I've been dating Jessica, I've just been so happy, I tell my dad I love him and he's a good guy and I'm sorry for treating him like dirt. It's surprising to me too.

I have a lot of high hopes for this party, hoping people show up, we have a good time, and everything goes smoothly, as I've planned. I have a pretty good guest list, but not as many people are showing up, which is fine. I just hope tonight goes as I see it in my head...

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Jessica, My love

I am in love,
Flying high like a dove,
This feeling is so surreal,
The way Jessica makes me feel,

I could ramble on and on,
Until all of time is gone,
But I'll spare you my love-filled babble,
Because you probably don't like scrabble,

Jessica, My love, I found you,
Jessica, My love, who truly loves me too,
Our love will keep us together,
My best friend forever

If you couldn't tell already, I'm really happy! This has been a really good week, but a really sad week. I will explain everything when the time comes, but I just don't know what it is about love that makes everything in the world SO MUCH BETTER!

I'm seriously starting to sound like a cheesy valentines day card, Romance-Comedy movie, and Mushy love monster all rolled into one. Gosh, I'm totally loving every minute of it too! I don't have much to add to the blog other than tell you that it's been really hard being away from Jessica (for 3 days now). I mean, it's killed me (and my phone)! I just long for this Friday when I get to see her again, hold her in my arms, and we can be together, if only for the night.

It makes me sad to think that we have December, Break, and all of 2nd semester to finish high school before I can go to college with Jessica. High school is keeping me from my Jess. In actuality, in a crueler spectrum, It's my own fault for not getting my license by now. I've renewed my permit twice, but have yet to get my license. I need to bite the bullet, ask my mom to drive more, get my license BEFORE IT SNOWS (which is technically too late), and then I can see Jessica more.

I got on Yahoo! Messenger and webcam'd (video chatted) with Jessica on Sunday night from 10:30 till past 12am, because neither of us wanted to go to bed, we just wanted to be with each other. I ended up doing that same thing from 6:30 till 11:30ish last night as well! I just love seeing Jessica and talking to her and spending time with her. Last night was so great too, it was the first time I've ever cried tears of happiness and joy.

I was just teasing Jessica and wanted her to sing me how she felt and was being generally silly, but she was embarrassed and so I went first, just to let her know it was okay. I ended up singing about the first time we met, how close we became, the love we shared, things I love about her, etc... I ended up making myself cry by the end, which made her tear up too.

After a couple of minutes of letting it all out, I told her not to sing, but just tell me how she felt, tell me what she felt inside her heart. And trust me, she poured her soul into the room and I was crying again before she was done. Jessica is the first person to make me cry tears of joy. Joy because I knew I had found the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. I promised Jessica I was never leaving and I'm going to keep my promise!

We talked for so long, Jessica's Ipad died (twice, actually!) and my computer also died, so we ended up talking on the phone by the end, but it made no difference, I got to see my Jess, I love her, and I am never going to be alone now, because I have her to share my life with. Jessica saved me, she pulled me out of the water when I began to sink, she held my hand and supported me, seeing me as a whole person, not just a piece, but a whole. She grabbed her knitting needle and began to put together my heart, eying it with satisfaction and smiling to see she had done good.

I am a whole again, refreshed, revived, reliving my life the best I can. I thank God for Jessica every day, he gave me an angel, he sent her to me when I was at my lowest, and I will forever be grateful for his love and kindness! I also have to give credit where needed.

Without Bethany, I would have never met Jessica. Bethany, luckily, went to her school her senior year and they met each other. Though they're not directly friends, because of Bethany, I still met Jessica. I met Jessica and we became super close, super fast. We didn't expect to love each other, but life is the dealer and it knows what hand needs to be played. I will forever be thankful to Bethany and I will forever be grateful to Jessica.

I love you Jessica. I loved you yesterday, I loved you today, I'll love you tomorrow, and I'll love you everyday in between! Thank you for all you have given me, Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Cupid must love weekends

I'm going to tell you something I am so happy to announce (and I'm pretty sure you're happy to hear about it too), I'M IN LOVE!!! I'm so deeply in love, It's as if Cupid shot me in the butt with an arrow (or a volley of 6 or 7 arrows), because I'm strait trippin' on  joy!! I'm so happy right now, I gave my dad a hug and told him I loved him, I told everyone on Facebook that I was happy too, but said Jessica made my life better because of today, which she did do, but she didn't just make it better, she improved it and gave me hope, love, happiness, joy, and so many other happy emotions!!

Let's just start from the beginning. We picked up Jessica around 1pm and went to a thrift store, my dads idea. I thought going to a thrift store was kind of dumb, but I didn't care much because Jessica is my best friend and hanging out with her is all i care about. We were at the thrift store for awhile, but when we left, it was around 2:30 or so, ish, I don't have the times exact, I just know our movie started at 4:30 and we got to the theatre at 3:30.

We had to go early because my parents were going to the Independence Theater and we were going to the AMC Independence. We decided to go to Barnes and Nobles to look around. MAN! There are so many good books!! I saw this one book, Dead like you, by Peter James. It looked SO GOOD! I wanted to buy it but, alas and woe, I didn't have enough money to buy it because I only had enough for the movie. I love going to a bookstore and picking out books I like, it's so fun and great!

So Jessica and I went to the movie theater around 4:05 ish and got our tickets, concessions, and made our way to the room where are movie was being shown. Can you guess what movie we saw? Hint: My favorite animal, in the world, ever, is...? Yes, yes, it's penguins!

So did you guess what the movie was? It was Happy Feet 2!! We finally got to watch it today and IT WAS THE BEST MOVIE EVER!!! I am sooo more deeply in love with penguins now that I've seen this movie, because it was just so amazing and cute! I know, i'm a dude and I just called this movie cute, but get over it, I'm in-- I'm getting to that.

So the movie was awesome! We talked as we waited for my parents to come get us and we had a really good time! It was amazing, I loved the movie, I loved Jessica's company, I loved everything about it! Jessica is the best movie buddy ever! If you ever go to the movies, there's always that one friend who you love going with, well, Jessica is my pick. I love going with her. Because I never like going to the movies alone, she always gets to go with me! So its great for both of us!

After the movie and after we got picked up, we went home and my parents had to go to my aunts so Jessica and I went inside. When we got inside, Hannah and Tommy were home. Jessica and I went up to my room and decided to hang out while Hannah and Tommy stayed downstairs and, well, I don't know what they were doing. I think my sister was eating dinner or doing homework, or something. Not sure. Not important. Moving on!

Jessica and I went to my room and.... Well, the best to explain is through a 1st person story.

~!~

I walked upstairs, knowing Jessica would follow, hoping we could read the novel I had started. I had always enjoyed getting the opinion of my closest and best friend. Not only that, I wanted to bring up our friendship, it had tortured me all week and now that I had the chance, I wanted to take a chance. Though I wasn't sure yet, if I could do it. I was just thinking about getting her opinion on my novel first!

I went into my room and, because she wasn't there yet, I quickly pulled off my hoody because I was already toasty warm and that hoody wasn't helping. I heard a knock on the door. Because it wasn't closed all the way, it pushed open and Jessica came in. She layed on my bed and I pulled my hoody off so I was more comfortable. I put my hoody in my closet and looked over at Jessica, who was comfy on my bed.

She lay on my bed, her head at the foot of the bed, her legs at the head, a pillow under her legs. She looked comfortable. I talked over to lean against the wall, next to the door, across the room, trying to be sly, but fell into the door instead. Jessica laughed and I played it off.

"Whoa, didn't plan on that." i said, nervous as ever

Jessica just smiled. Eventually, I mustered up the courage to go over and sit on the bed next to Jessica.

"What's up?" she asked, a smile across her face

"Nothing much, just hanging out with my best friend."

~!~

Side note: This is not an exact quote to what was said, I'm going best from my memory. But this is just the "before" part, before our talk and-- I'll get to that. Keep reading!

~!~

SKIPPING AHEAD...

I was leaning on Jessica's stomach with a smile and we were talking. It got to the part where Tracy told Jessica this or that and Jessica told me that she had a hunch I liked her more than a friend.

Dang, I thought, she read my mind, she totally knew what I was going to say before I said it!

"Yes, dang you Tracy, I do like you." I was so nervous, I was shaking, "I was so afraid that it would push you away if I told you and you didn't feel the same." I began rambling after that about this and that and a bunch of mushy stuff that really only matters to me and Jessica.

~!~

Sidenote: When I say that I rambled, I'm not joking, I was so nervous, I just kept yapping and I'm pretty sure Jessica thought it was cute. Any way you roll the dice, I rambled and it was funny, looking back.

Also, In the middle of our conversation, Alexis and Tommy came in and stalled the conversation for about 10 or 15  minutes. Eventually, Jessica had to go to the restroom and I told Tommy and Alexis I was trying to have a conversation with Jessica, I wanted to talk about something personal and I told Tommy, "You and Hannah are happy and I'm glad for you, but I want my happiness too, so please let me talk to Jessica. She has to be home at 10pm and I only have a small window of time."

They were both so kind about it, I love them both, when Jessica came back, Tommy pretended Hannah called after him and went downstairs and Alexis said she forgot something and left. I finally had Jessica to myself again, alone.

~!~

After I realized I was rambling, "Oh, I've been rambling, I'm sorry. Tell me what your thinking/feeling Jessica."

She smiled, "I do have feelings for you Zach, I have for awhile."

The love I felt in that moment was overflowing. It was insanity! I was so happy in that moment, it was crazy. When someone tells you the love they feel is indescribable, it's not love. I said my love for Bethany was indescribable and I didn't love her like I thought I did.

The love I felt for Jessica can be described. It's like I'm in a bubble, viewing the world from a new perspective. She makes me happy, she makes me want to be a better person. She is the reason I'm still alive today. If God ever sent down angels to keep you on the right path, he sure did a good job sending Jessica my way.

Knowing Jessica has saved my life. The relationship between Jessica and myself is so great! She understands ME, the real me. I've never had a friend I can be TOTALLY HONEST with. She is the only person I can be 100% honest with, the only person I can tell anything. She NEVER judges me. She accepts me as a whole, loves me as a whole, and she told me that  she's glad tonight happened.

Side note: She told me she didn't want to be in a "dating" relationship right now, because it has only been a month since she broke up with her ex boyfriend, which I totally agreed too. That was a big, main reason why I never brought up my feelings for her.

Jessica said that we can start dating after high school, which I agreed too and said was fine. I don't expect that to mean the day after we both graduate, but sometime after, besides, Jessica is stuck in my life and I'm stuck in hers, we have to get used to seeing each other all the time!

When she got home, she text me and asked, "After tonight, what does that make us?" I had to think for a second, but eventually said, "Well we're both "technically" still single still, but we do have feelings for each other and we're allowed to cuddle, hold hands, etc... so maybe, Mega super close frosty best friends, until after high school? She agreed to that and kept texting the whole night until midnight, which wasn't actually our choice.

The power went out at my house last night and I wasn't happy about. My phone wouldn't be able to charge and it was already close to dying, I was trying to type my blog post, but without the power, no internet, no battery life for my computer, it wasn't going to happen as I planned. That power outage sucked! Oh well.

I'm in love with Jessica and she feels the same, she's in love with me. I'm the happiest man on the planet right now, my crazy Facebook post is proof! I know I don't really care much for my father, but I didn't care anymore about hating him, I just stopped and told him I loved him and gave him a hug (because saying that once, doesn't seem like enough to show the seriousness of this). I kept telling my parents I loved them all night.



They think it's weird that I was so happy, but didn't say anything negative about me loving Jessica! I hope they like Jessica, because she's going to be around for a LONG, LONG TIME!!