Side note: Bear with me, not having the internet means I don’t post these blogs when I type them up. I am going to try to keep things organized but if it’s confusing, I’m terribly sorry. I want internet back just as badly as the next guy. Hey, wanna give me $98? No, that’s fine. Just try to bear with me.
I’ve hit a roadblock. I don’t even know how I’ve made it this far. I am at a loss for words. I need the internet so I can post these blogs right away or at least update Facebook with a decent status. I have regret for what happened Thursday. I feel absolutely awful about how things happened. Posting that blog wasn’t probably my smartest decision, but it’s called my opinion for a reason.
Do you fully believe that you will be able to solve something if you talk the person? I am still trying to figure that out. I fully believe I have an issue. I will admit that right now. I have an issue with people. Some people just cause you to feel so mad, angry, and, generally speaking, pissed off. I wish I hadn’t been texting Bethany. I wish I had been face-to-face so I could better resolve things. Though I wanted to get in her face and scream at her, which probably wouldn’t have helped.
Screaming at her would not solve anything though, so maybe texting is a better option. I’m so skeptical on how tomorrow will go (which is technically yesterday). I want to say that we will talk and resolve things, but even when we were fine with each other, I never talked to her. So when she’s mad at me, you think she’ll let me talk to her? Not a chance in hell.
I feel like I start everything though. Maybe I take the blame for everything because I don’t want problems. Maybe that’s my mistake. Should I always take the blame for everything? Regardless of who’s at fault, I seem to do it anyway. I have no reason to feel this way, yet I do. Bethany probably gave the blame to me, let me carry this burden of hers, and had a fun time doing whatever it is she does for fun.
I don’t have internet and I don’t really like Facebook Mobile so I haven’t been on recently so I don’t know if she’s said anything about me or not. All I know is that I refuse to let her give me this burden. I want a little peace of mind. I’m going to try, keyword ‘try’, to talk to Bethany on Sunday. We always sit in this back room and talk from 9 to 10 in the morning. It’s ‘technically’ Sunday school, but for teens. We don’t always get around to what Michael tried saying, because an hour can pass quickly, it really can, but if I can, I’m going to try to talk to Bethany.
She may try to bolt for the door, but I’m hopefully going to get there first. Besides, it’s for the best intentions anyway. Though that’s all I really have to say about it right now. If Sunday works out, I’ll probably post something happy about what happened. If not… Well, you know how I am. Probably too well.
Bethany aside, I had SO MUCH FUN last night with Jessica and Tracy! School was the usual day, bleh, and I don’t know how I’ll feel getting back my test grade in Prob and Stat, but let’s hope for the best. Oh, funny story! Time out, I’ll get back to Jessica and Tracy in a second.
So I posted my previous blog first thing when I got to school (Friday morning, 7:40ish) and I told myself (and Jessica the previous night) that before 5th hour, I would be called to the office and reported. I went to my first 3 classes successfully, but then the funniest thing happened in 4th hour. I had Graphic Design 3-4 block on Friday and half way into 4th hour, a pass was given to me to see the counselor at the end of the hour. BOO YA, I had gotten my pass.
I was, in a seriously messed up way, excited. I wanted to go in there and tell the counselor I had issues, you can’t fix me, ha ha ha! I didn’t do anything illegal, so all they can do is know that I’m a depressed kid. The school can’t prescribe you meds, so they really couldn’t do anything but talk to me. A lot of good that did last time, just made me miss most of class. Way to go; now I’m missing class and nothing productive happens, yay! Like I care if I miss class, but it’s like I enjoyed the therapy session that day either.
So I go into the office, totally stoked, and ready to talk my way out of the situation again, unless I wanted to actually get depressed while we talk and look like the messed up dude I am. I go up to the lady at the desk and tell her I was called in, a smile across my face, when she just asks me if I’m going to take the COMPASS test at this college I’m going to in the fall, next Tuesday. I was no longer excited.
All they wanted was to know if I was going to that dumb text? Compared to what I wanted it to be about, I was very disappointed. Whatever. I did, actually, agree to go. I needed to take that test anyway. I guess my blog didn’t get many views that day or something. Oh well.
It’s not like I’m saying, ‘Hey, go report me please’, I’m just used to my blog causing issues. So that’s pretty much the end of it, I’m guessing. Back to Jessica and Tracy.
I got home from school and worked on my story until around 5:30, when I went upstairs and put on my hoody and combed my hair and got ready to chill with Jessica and Tracy at 6:00. We had planned everything earlier that week and we knew we would go to sonic at 6:00, eat on the way to the theatre, watch the movie at 7:00 and get out sometime around 9:00. It all worked out pretty well too!
I can’t really explain what happened, as far as what we talked about, etc because it’s not really explainable. If you’ve ever hung out with your friends, there are always those conversations or things that happen that are just fun and you had an awesome time, you just can’t really re-tell it because nobody will get it the way you did. But I had an absolute blast!
Jessica and Tracy are my two best friends for a reason. First, were both writers so we love talking about book ideas, plots, characters, and generally things that bore other people. Second, we’re all awesome! Third, we just love having a good time. And lastly, we’re all awesome!
Sunday and Friday were the highlights of my week. I don’t know how it can get any better, but I’m open-minded. Oh yeah, I work tonight. Closing with Kelsey! HA! So it will get better. Sweet! I am so going to enjoy this weekend. Too late, I already have!
The second I stepped into Pastor Michael’s car, I never wanted to scream at Bethany. I looked at Bethany; she had a reassuring smile on her face.
“Hi, my name is Bethany!” she said with an exuberant smile, holding her hand out to shake mine.
“Hi, my name is Zachary?” I asked, half confused, but a smile across my face as i shook her hand.
We sat in silence the rest of the way, my brain full of a million questions. What is happening is this supposed to happen? I thought I was going to crazy, I was blown away! I wasn’t mad though, but the exact opposite! We arrived in the parking lot and exited the car.
We entered the building with smiles. Bethany didn’t talk to me the rest of service, but that didn’t matter to me, anymore. I was forgiven or so I thought. All anger, all resentment, was pulled out of me, like she put a vacuum to my soul and, with her words, sucked out all the bitter feelings I felt towards her.
Okay I’m done with that story. But nice to see me write something, right? I love it. Man, I’m not mad at Bethany anymore and I don’t know why! Okay, I know why, but I don’t… if you know what I mean. Just refer back to the short, short, SHORT, story I wrote above.
I don’t really have anything else to say for now. Just remember, that people change. A lot. So much, it might make you question both YOUR SANITY and THEIRS! Haha, I think Bethany is fine. I know it. It’s God, he does amazing things. I give all glory and good to God. I really pissed off Bethany, like A LOT! I was sure our friendship was over and I EVEN TOLD BETHANY THAT!!
But I guess, yeah, were friends still and the 3 months is not where our friendship went down the toilet! I won’t complain if she doesn’t go to my Christmas party at this point. I don’t want any more issues and that might be the next thing that would cause problems. If she goes, great. If not, I will respect her decision and reason for doing so (even if it appears really dumb to me).