Friday, November 18, 2011

Fieldtrip Memories

Side Note: Blogger is being glitchy, so the paragraphs didn't break very well on this post (they randomly break where they should). Sorry, in advance, about that...

Today was a fun day, I have to admit that. You’ll probably never guess why though, unless I’ve told you prior to this post. Today was a splendid day for the sole reason that I had a fieldtrip and missed school today for it. Not only did I have a fieldtrip, I knew other people going and had a genuinely good time!
This may sound bizarre coming from me, but I have friends. Yes, I have a social circle, small, but it still counts, and I know how to have fun. The fieldtrip was to UMKC to see the play, A Christmas Carol. I really enjoyed the play, it was awesome! I had a fun time and if I could do something like that every Friday and miss school, you bet your tootin’ butt I would!

Lexie, from my Tech Theatre class, who’s also my good friend, went on the field trip too. I pretty much hung out with her today and we had a really good time! Some of the people from this fieldtrip I didn’t know until today but some people are really cool. I’m all for making new friends and being social, but I don’t invite the situation myself, it has to invite itself. Lucky for me, that happened today.

Side note: I’m not a social butterfly, I’m a social creature. There is a difference between the two and I think some people get them confused. A social butterfly is someone who can talk to ANYONE and has good self-confidence. A social creature is anyone else (give or take a few people). Everyone wants to be social, have friends and talk to someone. I don’t have the confidence to talk to ANYONE and be social, only those who invite the social conversation my direction.

Lexie hangs out with Michael (during this fieldtrip). Michael is a dude who was in my StageCraft class last year. We talked and we’re more acquaintances than anything, but at least we know each other. So because Lexie hangs out with Michael, I am also hanging out with them both. Michael hangs out with Tiffany (Yes, from Tech Theatre) and (please don’t get mad if I mention you and spell your name wrong) Kelly. I, for the life of me, can’t spell the name of the other guy who was there, but let’s just call him Photo Guy (sorry that I can’t use your name).

Side note: I know that I told Tiffany, and all you readers, I wouldn’t mention her again and I have, I think, 3 times, since then, but at least I’m not saying anything that would upset her. I mean, I really screwed things up, as far as— you know what, I’m going to get to that later in the post.

So I’ll just sum up the day and give you the vague details of what happened. We went to McDonalds on the way and I sat with Lexie, who sat with Michael, who sat with Tiffany, Photo Guy, and Kelly. I felt like I was with a group of friends, which is not something I get to experience often, considering Jessica and Tracy don’t live in Liberty. It was fun, we had a good time.
Again, I can’t really go into specifics about what we talked about, etc because it’s not one of those things you can remember and share. My memories are good, not bad (funny though, how I can always remember the bad memories vividly) so don’t worry about that. After McDonalds, we stopped to look at, uhh…. Dang it, I forgot what it’s called. A really big, orchestra building in downtown Kansas City. It’s supposed to be one of the best in the world. IN THE WORLD. I don’t buy it, but I won’t argue either. We made it to UMKC after that and had to part 4 city blocks away and walk.
Walking is fun, if you’re into all that, but when it’s cold and windy, no thanks. I usually don’t care about walking, but this was kinda ridiculous. I didn’t mind the walking, no big deal; I just didn’t like the cold wind. So we made it there and watched the play (I had to fix my hair first, of course. Want to look my best, right?). A Christmas Carol was really good, actually. I enjoyed it! As I said last year, after taking a theatre class, I liked musicals, plays, etc more than I did before. I was more open-minded. This was a really good play too!
If you went to the play, you’ll know what I mean when I say this. The only thing that really scared me and it was more like startled me, was the lightning. That pretty much caught me by surprise. But other than that, awesome play. Freakin’ amazing!
After the play, we went to weinsteads (which I probably spelled wrong) and ate lunch. I ate lunch with all the same people (Michael, Lexie, Tiffany, Kelly, and Photo Guy), though Madison joined us at lunch. It was great. I enjoyed the feeling of hanging out with friends, I actually felt normal.
Side note: Don’t rush to conclusions and think I have no friends. I have Jessica and Tracy. Pretty much, I never eat lunch with more than 2 people. To eat lunch with 6 people and have an on-going conversation, that was great. I don’t want you to start questioning if I’m really some “lonely kid” when I’m not.
So lunch was incredible, I pretty much had an awesome time! Photo guy took pictures of pretty much everything, including me. I don’t want to toot my own horn, but I like to think I look awesome in the pics (which I never actually got to see). That was pretty much it; we went back to school and hung out in the theatre until the bell rant 30 minutes later. I had a really good day; nothing could have made it better… I think. Ish. Gosh, I don’t know now. Oh well.
So now that I have explained that, do you want to know what I meant about Tiffany above in the Side note? Yes, good. Pretty much I told her I wouldn’t blog about her (and yet, here I am… blogging about her), but that was a different situation. I don’t think she’ll care if I say that she was in the group I hung out with today. It’s not like I was saying the… stupid things I said before.
Thinking back, I totally regret everything I did to Tiffany. Saying those things about her, making her feel uncomfortable about it. I honestly feel bad. I feel like today would have been a really productive day if I hadn’t posted those things. Just think about it, if she never knew who I was except for Algebra 2 last year and Tech Theatre this year, just those two factors, and add today, I’m pretty sure we’d have been friends. And I’m not just saying that to make myself feel good, because I feel awful thinking about it right now.
Tiffany is such a good person; really, she is such an awesome person. The fact that I had to screw things up with my crazy talk makes me feel completely and utterly stupid. The worst part is, I was just confused in my emotions! Tiffany had so many qualities similar to Bethany, I pretty much idolized that. It was almost unreal how similar to Bethany she was. I want to take it all back. I want to make her think of me as a normal person, someone who doesn’t post stupid blogs about people and not care if they ever read it or not.

I don’t know if Tiffany will read this blog, probably will since I’m going to tell her about it (I’m doing things the safe way this time, I’ll just be honest with her because I am that kind of man), but I am really sorry about everything. I’m sorry that we might not get the chance to be friends. I’m sorry that I made you feel uncomfortable and I put you on the spot, in a sense, which was rude and selfish of me. I missed the chance to be friends with an awesome person.

I am not like most people, I don’t take things offensively, hardly, even if they’re meant harmful. I could probably read about someone else saying things about me and move on perfectly fine, but I’m not most people. If Tiffany isn’t like me, that’s fine, it makes her an individual, but I just wanted to take the time to try to make amends, if I can.

I think today was a step forward, she saw me as an individual outside of school (even if it was school-related). She knows I’m trying to fix it. At least, I think. I don’t want to attempt to go in the brain of someone else and pick out what I think they’re feeling, think, or know. No thanks. I just believe that today shows how I am a normal individual. I am someone who is not the same I was months ago. I’m a different person, someone who’s improved from the person I was. I just hope that everyone, not just Tiffany, can see that too.

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