Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Final Goodbye's to Clarissa.....

Clarissa's best picture!

Clarissa was an amazing person, fun personality, bubbly, and really sexy. She was my best friend, I thought, until this afternoon around 3 o’clock. She said some things on facebook that were just…. I don’t know how to cope. I lost George, my very best friend! I lost Kyle, my new best friend this year! I lost a friend that I had only after 2 months, Alexis. I like to think I’m working for the devil because I tend to piss people off and make them hate me… after making them like me a lot!!

What joy it brings me to tell you that Clarissa is no longer alive in my mind… Her being alive without me in her life … saying things like that make me sound crazy and nuts, which I’m honestly not! I’m a great guy but when people say things to other friends ABOUT YOU …. And then they hate you.. It kind of pisses you off. I can’t be mad at one friend without being mad at everyone!

I want the God given right to hate someone without having to lose all my friends! I want my life to get normal again! I want to post a blog that shows my life as happy and amazing! I can’t blog about anything anymore unless its depressing or angry! I hate Clarissa for screwing up my steady pace of happiness! Why does anyone text another person? They want to have a simple conversation, most of the time, and that’s why I text MY FRIENDS!! Leave it to Clarissa to call my text messages harassment or annoying.

I think Clarissa needs to realize behind a computer screen, there is a person…. OH WAIT, We have met in person… twice!! And she thought I was cool (Is that possible)?? And get this, she was TO SHY TO TALK TO ME the first time we talked so HER FRIENDS did the introducing FOR HER…. How cute is that (lets all think about that)??

I would like to thank Clarissa. Thank her for letting me know we won’t be friends… better sooner than later, right? I would hate to be 27 and suicidal. Now 17 and suicidal? That’s the best time. 17 years of your life nobody will care about. Trust me, the first 17 years of your are the worst anyway… all the restrictions you have. Clarissa is gone, out of my life. My best friend hates me. My best friend’s brother is being kept from talking to me because Christine Glazier, who happens to be George’s mom, is crazy mad about her son’s problems. So she blames me.

Yes, this is a very angry rant I know I will regret late but I don’t give a rats ass what anyone thinks because nobody reads my blog, nobody even cares about my existence…. It’s like a 1st amendment card, freedom to say what I want and never get asked about it. But let’s start talking about something more controversial…. Yes, George, you called me gay, thought I was legit a homosexual, and harassed me about it because you couldn’t have a best friend that was gay. You are a horrible person for choosing that, but I walked away. I wanted you to be my friend so I ignored it… until I couldn’t.

If I could do It over again, I would have skipped the principal’s office and gone straight to your house. To tell your parents. Doesn’t God love all his children, even sinners. Gay people are not bad. Homosexuals have feelings just like you George and I miss you. I miss my best friend. I miss our crazy YouTube videos. I hate that your mom is the one putting lies in your head. Homeschooling can be crazy terrible if she’s the one doing the instructing. As a parent, she is probably amazing…No, she is amazing! But she has filled your head with lies and her own opinions.

I love you Clarissa, I will always love you, until the day I stop breathing…. But remember that argument on Facebook. It wasn’t an argument to me; it was a sad revelation that you are no longer my friend. You departed from my life and chose to leave, that’s your choice, can’t complain. I just wish you could have left with a better reason then ‘Your creepy…’, that sucked. Your words sucked. Clarissa, you are a nuts if you think I’m gonna kill myself over you. That’s like killing yourself because you can’t have the fancy ring behind the glass. I am gonna keep on living, but only because I can’t just stop when life’s hard. I just can’t stop. Living. 

Sunday, June 19, 2011

The Lincoln Lawyer

So I went to see ‘The Lincoln Lawyer’ today with my family for Father’s Day, upon my dad’s request. It was actually a really good movie. I have always enjoyed movies starring the, already very talented, Matthew Mcconaughey. I have seen ‘How to lose a guy in 10 days’ to ‘Sahara’ and loved them all; this guy is a great actor!

The movie, as far as plot line went, was great. It was about a lawyer who helps guilty men get out easy. He eventually pins a case to a previous one and has huge guilt thrown upon him for making an innocent man go to jail for a crime he didn’t commit. I pretty much enjoyed the plot line and thought the cast was solid.

The only downside to the movie was the camera angles kept changing and moving in weird locations that didn’t really look professional. I guess it just bugged me more than usual… Oh well. Pretty much my only negative is the camera angles so it’s worth seeing, but I would wait for it to be at redbox, Netflix, blockbuster express, or some other video rental location. Lucky for me I went to a 2 dollar theatre and thought it was worth the 2 bucks.

Saturday, June 18, 2011

Green and Yellow

So I went to see, The Green Lantern, tonight and, honestly, it was exactly as I had expected it to be, though not in the ways I'd expected it. I never read the comics so I didn't know what to expect when I went in the theater, other then what I'd seen on the commercial. It pretty much gave an idea of the villain and good guys, then switched to the guy who would receive the ring, the bad guy crash landing the good guy... hence, new guy gets ring!

I didn't expect so much CGI to be in the movie, but it was executed greatly! The 'end' of the villain was kinda dumb and cheesy, not to mention the villain didn't look all that scary after you first see him, though it freaked out my mom, which was funny to me. I don't know about you but DC comics has always been compared to Marvel Movies and honestly, I don't know why. There completely different, Marvel will always be better, plain and simple.

Go see if...
-You like Marvel and/or DC Comics movies
-You want a good action movie

Don't see if...
-You don't like predictable movies
-You don't want to see another villain who isn't really that scary
-You don't like cheesy endings

Also, Yellow is not the color of evil.... that made me sad.

Depending on your viewpoint....

According to mybudget360, 50 percent of all Americans are making less than $50,000/year. That’s around $750/week, with all deductions included. Can you afford something with only $750 coming your way a week? I don’t think I would want to afford anything with that kind of money coming my way… Well imagine how Bella feels when the man she falls in love with just so ‘happens’ to be in a rich family.

I recently read a blog post from, ‘Cinema Dork Central’, (AKA, Frank) and he stated that teens are being fed bad answers in a very popular teen story. Everyone has heard of the Twilight Saga, if you haven’t, you probably live in a world without internet access or cable. When you read the first book, it’s all fine and dandy for a fantasy story. Bella falls in love with a guy who turns out to be a vampire. Typical fantasy, right? No, it evolves in the second book and onto the final book (the fourth) where, spoiler alert, Bella becomes a vampire herself.

In the second Twilight book, New Moon, Edward leaves Bella, sending her into a downward spiral of insanity. She feels as though a ‘whole has been punched through her chest’ and she has nightmares and screams in her sleep. She also find out that a burst of adrenaline gives her a glimpse of Edward (She has officially become insane). She decides to become reckless in a desperate effort to see Edward again, if only for a second.

This seems kind of silly because she ends up leading Edward to believe she died, not intentionally, and Edward decides it’s not worth living in the world if Bella doesn’t exist, all after he left her… So he decides he is going to have himself killed. Eventually, Bella has to go to Italy, where he is, and save him from certain death. Of course, he tells her he has always loved her and only wanted what was best for her. This happens and they are together again, in love all over again. Pathetic, it’s such a predictable story line but Stephenie Meyer did a great job presenting in a fresh new way.

I do not applaud her message that it’s ok to be reckless if your boyfriend (or girlfriend, even) breaks up with you. Whether or not she intended to send that message, that’s how some people might choose to view it. Not the smartest decision. In the third book, Eclipse, one again, Stephenie Meyer doesn’t do much but strengthen the bond between Edward and Bella between a few near death situations. It’s all quite touching.

In the fourth and final installment in the Twilight Saga, Breaking Dawn, you really see the character of Bella change as a person. Stephenie Meyer, to start off, has Bella and Edward married. This is all great because it shows how the love between Bella and Edward has gotten to the point of final commitment. It also helps with them on their honeymoon where they, of course, choose to have sex. They make the whole ‘sex with a vampire’ thing dramatic. Edward ends up shredding feather pillows and breaking the headboard.

If Edward didn’t marry Bella, I would end up objecting to the teen sex, but, opposite of what Frank said; I think having sex is only ok when you’re married.  Bella was married to Edward so it’s not a ‘sin’ or seen as bad in my eyes. Now putting sex in a story that she knew teens would read makes me skeptical on Stephanie’s morals. My next objection is that, like suspected, Bella gets pregnant… with a vampire baby.

I don’t know anything about childbirth, but apparently it’s painful with just a human baby. I couldn’t imagine how painful it has to be with a vampire baby. I did like that because Bella had sex, she got pregnant. A lot of teens think they can have sex when they want and not get pregnant because they are being ‘safe’. That is a gamble and you don’t always get what you expect. It is a positive example to teen girls that if you have sex, you will get pregnant. But Edward does end up, spoiler alert, biting Bella and changing her into a vampire so she won’t die.

After she is changed, she views herself as FINALLY beautiful. This promotes, in my opinion, that it is ok to change yourself for someone else. No, I will never change who I am for the approval of someone else. I didn’t like that portion of the story because it sends a bad example to teens everywhere. You should always be yourself, never degrade yourself for the attention of someone else. I don’t just say that because of this story, but from personal experience.

When I’m around ‘more popular’ people at my school, I have noticed myself change for their approval. It turns out; they only noticed me because I make a few videos and put them on YouTube (anyone remembers, ‘In the suburbs’?). They ended up loving the video series and thought I was instantly funny after that. I decided I wouldn’t change who I am but be myself. If they don’t like me, too bad, there loss.

If you’re looking for a good love story, don’t pick up this series. The story was good if you view it as a love triangle with vampire-werewolf action between the lines. It’s supposed to be a love fantasy, but I didn’t like the love portion of it, it was pathetic.

When you sift past the pain....

It turns out, I am a decent person after all. Who would have thought, when you go past all the crap and messed up... really messed up things going on inside me, I am a really decent person. Maybe I'm not the best person or the smartest ... and maybe I am actually kind of foolish sometimes and make irrational decisions but I am actually a decent person!

I don't want anyone to freak out, but I would like to inform everyone that June and July are the 2 months I will transform myself into someone amazing! Someone, even, if I may say, strong. I will be sexy, plain and simple. I am gonna commit, hardcore, now more then ever! Just because I want to be prepared for epic fights I encounter in the future. Where some skinny, boney dude bugs me and I flex my muscles, scaring him away. Ok, that might not happen, but still.... I wanna be strong and sexy, not fat and ugly.

Trust me, I know everyone is there own worst enemy, but I also know the truth. Lots of fat people have friends and are popular, but a lot of fat people are also alone and depressed. I am somewhere in the middle. But I think that might change my senior year, when I become the very definition of AWESOME! I will have a job, license, girlfriend, and maybe some cash on the side for fun.

I think the fact that I finally got past my months of depression and moved on proves that you can overcome any obstacles. It probably would have taken me longer, if my friend Bethany wasn't there being a good friend. She was there for me and gave me advice. She also gave me a little biblical advice without shoving it down my throat (like my dad does), which was helpful, considering I am religious, just not practicing. I really owe my 'being stable' to her, really, and I will always be there for her if she needs be, just because she has always been there for me. She is amazing, plain and simple!

I think I will start the whole transformation tomorrow (well technically today, its 43 minutes into the new day) when I wake up! I've waited to long to change my life, I am going to finally start doing something about it!! Yea, I've said enough here, I'm gonna go to bed so I can wake up and do 100 push-ups (and maybe update my weight loss blog for once in a few months, lol)!! I can't wait to be strong and muscular!

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

The power of music

I was listening to Pandora on my phone when back-to-back, a song by Skillet and Reliant K came on, both reached me on a personal level and I wanted to share them with you, I hope you enjoy them....

Skype keeps you connected

Skype is probably the best messenger on the market (considering Digsby doesn't have an app for android or blackberry)! I say this with confidence because I am on Skype almost everyday talking to my either my friends Caleb or Tamahrynn. They are a blast to talk to when we get the video call started (Thats when the fun happens)! Caleb is always playing his guitar, which he is good at, and its fun to listen to him drop some funky fresh beats when we get on cam. Tamahrynn is just fun to talk to, no matter if your bored, happy, depressed, ect... She is just always fun to talk to!

Pending on if my mic decides to work one day, we will, usually, talk about all kinds of junk! Skype is the perfect tool to keep you connected with all your best buds. Sad news to me, I couldn't find a blackberry app for Skype, which surprised me, considering they have an App. for android phones.

I looked into it and they don't have the application for Blackberry and I don't know when they will, hopefully soon. I love skype and pandora. The pandora app is incredible, very helpful, and I love it so much! I think the ringtones on this phone suck but that's ok because I downloaded a free instrumental ringtone and it's pretty awesome. With the video call option on skype, you can do almost anything!

Enough said....

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Party and Predicaments

So my sister and I had our groovy party on Saturday afternoon. It started at 6pm and lasted until around 12pm the following day. My sister invited all her friends and I invited mine. Only 3 of her friends came and 1 of mine (plus one o her friends' friend that was a mutual friend to us both). I sent a invite to Clarissa, Kyle, George, and Gavin knowing they wouldn't show up but still hoping for the best. Clarissa is, still for unknown reasons, pissed off at me and wont talk to me about it (communication solves things). Kyle is, well .... Kyle. And George and Gavin have a very angry mother, who I don't want to deal with.

Whatever, so I lost 4 friends there.... I still invited my friends Bethany, Ashley, and Kelsey. Kelsey showed up and the others were just busy. My friend Cody G is having a party at the end of June if he passes summer school so that'll be cool, not to mention our next party happening sometime in July.... The point is, I needed some social interaction to keep from being so depressed and suicidal and thank God I finally got some!

Bethany told me that it's ok to be depressed if it is going to help me get past all the pain and move on. I tried that up until the party this past Saturday. When I got to interact with other human beings and have fun, I no longer cared about being alone, having no friends, being fat, not losing any weight, being unemployed, being broke, or any of the other crap going on in my life! All I thought about was, I do have other friends and I can still be happy and have fun outside of George and Kyle. Clarissa was my first crush/love, but I can have other crushes and love other girls. I know it was pathetic to reflect on 3 month ago crap but when you lose the best thing in your life, it takes time to let go, move on, and stop caring.

I am going to get back on track and start focusing on what's important, my goal of losing weight, for starters. With no job and being alone in my house from 11am - 4pm, I have 5 hours to get some intense workouts going. I don't wanna show-boat, but I am miraculously keeping my weight around 285 no matter what I eat/drink/put in my mouth. How that's possible, I don't know, but I won't complain, especially since I don't want it to go up. I think I will start jogging around my neighborhood and start using my jump rope a lot more!

On a side note, I have all star coins in worlds 1 - 8 on Super Mario Bros. Wii. All I have left to do is collect the star coins in world 9 and I will successfully beat the game.

The party started when our first guest arrived, kinda. My mom had to go pick up Cody M. (my sisters friend) for the party. So he got here an hour or so earlier then everyone else. He helped us filled our large cooler with ice and sodas before the guests arrived, which was very helpful (considering we didn't have enough and he offered to go to price chopper for us and buy the ice. Pretty soon, guests started arriving and we talked for awhile until the guests had all arrived. Even after they had arrived, we just hung out and talked for awhile. It was awesome because I didn't feel like a 3rd wheel or even worse, feel like a square.

Eventually, we started up a fire in the backyard, Carolyn brought her fire pit, and made some delicious hotdogs! We hung out in the backyard most of the time, talking about whatever came up and taking it easy. I, personally, had a fantastic time! Eventually, we wanted to do something else and Cody suggested tossing around a football but we didn't have one. We knocked on the neighbors door to see if she had one but she never answered so we walked down the street to my friend Chris's house. He didn't have a football and made an excuse as to why he couldn't join us at the party. Eventually, we ended up playing tennis at the neighborhood tennis courts. We played tennis for around an hour, until it got dark.

When we got home, we decided it was time.... Time to make some delicious, hot, smores! What good party doesn't have smores, right? We had plenty of marshmallows and chocolate but we only made a few because we weren't very hungry. Once again, we talked for a long time, in fact, we talked most of the time the party was going on, just having a good time and enjoying the company! It's not really about WHAT is at your party but WHO is at your party, which was nothing but AWESOME PEOPLE!

We ended up playing neighborhood hide and seek and twister during the party, which I never got, but whatever! I think the best part of the party, personally, was when we were playing the hide & seek (Carolyn was my partner) and we witnessed a power surge happen. Don't think I'm weird and don't get me wrong, the party was awesome, but we saw a bowl of electricity fill the sky and the whole street we were on went dark for around 4 seconds before flickering and coming back on. It was, legit, the coolest thing I have ever seen in my life!

By 1:30am, Sharla, Cody G., and Kelsey had all left the party. Carolyn and Cody M. were the only 2 peeps to stay the night. Over casual conversation, we somehow decided to watch, 'Eclipse'... and after that, 'Jurassic Park 2'. Cody M. picked the 2nd movie, we agreed on the first, Cody M. picked the second. We talked a lot during the movie but that's alright, we were having a good time and I'd seen the movie lots of times already. Eventually, we went to bed sometime between 4 - 5am, I don't really know when it was.

The following day, my mom was off work so she took us all to buy doughnuts and we brought them back to the house. We decided to eat doughnuts and watch, The Karate Kid (The original) on TV (technically, it was DVR, but whatever). While we were watching it, my dad showed up at the house, he spent the night prior in a motel so he didn't have to deal with us at the party. That pretty much sums up the amazing party we had...

We hope to have more summer parties this year so more summer fun posts are sure to happen. I'm trying to get around to making more videos for my YouTube channel but haven't gotten around to it yet, though i'm staying connected. I'm on Facebook everyday and updating twitter constantly so if you haven't already, add/follow me on those accounts! I will need all the support I can get, especially on twitter.  Well, I guess that's it for this time.

Side note: My twitpics are mostly my cute little kitties, Tehehe!

Saturday, June 4, 2011

Love sucks, SO BAD!

The following text message actually happened. Though the identity will probably be unknown to any outside followers...

Me: So did you decide which school you'll be going to next year?

Clarissa: Not yours.

Me: Ok. Hey, what happened to us? Why did we have this falling out? Is it fixable?

Clarissa: Idk. idk. And no.

Me: If you don't know, then lets just put it behind us. Be friendly again :)

Clarissa: Uh no.

Me: Then there must be a problem. I don't want you to hate me. Especially if you said you don't know if there is a problem. Lets just be friendly again.

Clarissa: Noooooooooooooo

Me: No to what, being friendly again?

Clarissa: No to everything bye!!

Me: ok fine. Ttyl :)

Clarissa: No. Bye

The first person I ever truly, really, and actually fall in love with and she hates me. For no reason. I wish I could just rewind time and never send her that facebook request. Yes, we first met on facebook. We have like 20 mutual friends or something and it was recommended to me so I sent her an invite. When she excepted, her cell number was on there and we just started talking, err... texting.

Just like that, we were good friends and talking all the time. I started to like her a lot, but it wasn't solidified until after I started the tennis season this year. When I actually gotta see her in person. She lives in North Kansas City and my tennis team had an away game at the park next to her school. So we actually gotta meet. And she was the most beautiful, sexy, kindest person I ever met. She was nice and kind to me and we didn't actually approach each other. I was to nervous, even though I saw her and could have approached her first. Her friends, who were with her, actually talked to me first. I was practicing on this 4-sided wall, hitting the tennis ball back against the wall, and her friends started talking to me, she was nervous too.

I'm glad I wasn't the only one nervous. After that, we talked with more ease, knowing the other person wasn't some Internet weirdo and she went to 2 other NKC matches I had. You know the worst part of all this, I told her that I really liked her and I wanted to be her boyfriend. She kept leading me on and saying maybe, even telling me that in 7 to 10 months, I could be her boyfriend. 7 months from when she said that will be December, this upcoming December. And at the end of the year, I started texting her, just casual talk, and she, literally, told me she had a boyfriend and she never wanted to talk to me again, out of the blue, for no reason.

I'm thinking that someone told her some sort of lie about me, i don't know what, and she hated me after that. Because there is no other explanation as to why she would just start hating me for no reason, outta the blue, like that. I just wish I knew what was going on, get the big picture. I love her so much, more then anything in the world, and I've placed her on a pedestall so high, no other woman compares to her. She was my beautiful, perfect match and now I've ended up screwing my love life forever.

If God really is watching me from up above somewhere, which I know he is, then why did he let her walk into my life when he knew the exit would be painful, screwing my love life, and causing an emotional double whammy? I spend hours pondering my pathetic life and why it ended up this way. 17 years old, single, with no job. Spending most of my summer on the computer or watching movies on LMN (Lifetime Movie Network). I want something better to happen. I want my life to spark and I want something exciting to happen. Why in the hell can't I get a job by now and why can't I get some friends who will actually talk to me during the summer.

Yes, I know, I was a complete ass by pushing George and Kyle away. I want them back so much, I cry over them. I try to live my life as if nothing is truly wrong, but I can't live my life regretting the past. I have learned from my past mistakes and I swear on my grave, I will never make them again. I lost my best friends, the girl i absolutely love, and have no job or money to boot. Yeah, I see no reason or purpose in my life right now. My life consists of skype conversations with my best friend, who lives in Illinois. I have never met him. Sure, he's awesome and I would never make the same mistakes I made with Kyle or George with him, so I'm not doing or saying anything stupid to ruin this relationship. I have, maybe, 2 or 3 outside relationships right now, and there all with online friends.

I don't have any problems with that, I can't. I'm the loser who nobody really cares about, the guy who gets ignored. I'm don't wanna be that kid at school who sits by himself at lunch and draws pictures in a notebook to keep himself entertained, not that theres anything wrong with that, but it's just not me. I want to talk to others, interact, and have a social life. But I guess that's not what life or fate or any other determining force, ever chose for me. Oh well, at least I can vent and let it out here....