Thursday, April 28, 2011

Pretty awesome!

So I woke up in a pretty good mood, I got my glasses, which I look awesome in, and I got another tennis match today (3rd day in a row!). Even though I've lost my first two matches (3 technically), I have a positive attitude because I know it's not my fault. I am doing DOUBLES I just have to work on team-work and progress as a good partner.

I am good at the back, I just need a doubles partner good at net play and we WONT LOSE! It's a pretty solid strategy. Though it seems to easy. I think I need to realize nothing is, haha. I always tell myself, "don't give up until the last point is lost", and it seems to work! I try my hardest, go my fastest, and push with all the mental (and physical) power I got and until I "Lose" I don't give up!

Tennis is the only thing anymore that always makes me happy. I can always count on being happy when I'm on the court. I don't give a crap about anything else in the world. I have 2 F's? Who cares. I have late work in many classes? Who cares. I am only going to focus on tennis and try my hardest to win. NOTHING ELSE matters when your on the tennis courts. You just gotta relax and enjoy the game, otherwise your gonna get frustrated.

In other news, you creepy stalkers out there in internet land who stalk me probably want to know what has gone on in the whole ... THEM ... delima. It's over. Done. Kapeesh. They chose to elimate me, i'm the weakest link. Goodbye. That's cool, I tried talking to more people today and it went pretty good! I talked to a lot of people who I only "kinda know" and I doubt we'll be great friends but it's a start. All I need to focus on right now is getting better in my academics and losing the weight I've given up on recently.

That's not what you want to hear? Most people like trouble, controversy, and issues to happen so they can YouTube it or whatever, but I'm not gonna over-react and beat em' up, thats retarded! I will move on, true friends stick with you, help you, know when your failing at life and need a friend. I needed a friend this week and I didn't have anyone there for me. I was stuck doing it all on my own... Getting through something like this wasn't easy, it was hard, and I gave up a few times, caved, but eventually, I got mostly through it all. The bad is mostly behind me at this point. I just got a little more to get through and I'll know what's on the other side of this long, LONG, tunnel.

I think out of all my friends, I probably have one TRUE FRIEND. And that's who I'm talking to through all of this. I don't usually take advice from people and I usually choose to ignore most advice. But I know good advice when I hear it and I take it, apply it, and know that it will help me in the future.

That's all I'm telling you, this is the last post for a LONG TIME tagged, George or Kyle. Since they are gone, no reason to include them in my corner of happiness. Until next time....

P.S. I am wearing glasses now.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Hear me out...

Look, I never wanted any of this to happen. I wanted us to get right back on the horse and keep on moving forward. If I hadn't posted that blog (which I didn't wanna post in the first place), none of this stupidity would have happened. Sure, I was kinda brutal in that post and over dramatized things. But let's explain things from the beginning...

I got called into the office earlier in the week by Dr. Jacobs. You see, apparently Mrs. King has been following my blog anonymously and saw that I hadn't posted a blog in 13 days, also she noticed I wasn't hanging out with you guys that morning (I was talking to teachers, like a GOOD student does when there behind cuz of a crappy life). So Dr. Jacobs called me in on request by Mrs. King. Look, I am not 100% ok with either George or Kyle. We knew that, nobody likes me, admit it.

So to stop knowing the pain I felt, I posted a blog to get Kyle angry at me. I always feel like the "extra guy" and I feel like I'm "out of place" when I'm around George and Kyle or Kyle and Jon. They have a stronger relationship then I do with any of them. I had a pretty good relationship with George until Kyle started hanging around a lot more. I can't compete with Kyle. Everyone likes him more then me so I wanted to make him mad. I wanted to get him angry at me so he WASN'T happy.

I guess the end result killed me. I am SORRY for posting a hanus blog to upset you Kyle. I pretty much hate my life and want you to hate yours too. I believe in hell so there is literally NO WAY OUT of the pain I feel. I am not sure why I feel all this hurt and pain, but I am always misserable and I'm tired of it. I don't want to be the only one angry. I don't want to be the only person who feels this way. Schools only cause trouble.

My parents told me to let THEM resolve issues if there are any but i'm not talking to THEM about ANYTING! And schools bring "the law" into everything and I would rather be misserable and suffering, then be someplace worse and still misserable. Kyle, please forgive me and be my friend, or even aquantance, again. George, your not a bad person, but I don't agree with a lot of your choices. Why were you ignoring me too? Kyle was mad at me, not you! My plan backfired. I wanted to get George to be my friend by pushing blame to another person. George has a better family and everything.

I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Everyone.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Asking for some forgiveness...

Well I had an inspiring chat with Dr. Principle yesterday with George present. We talked about all the issues going on and finally came to a conclusion! George will no longer give any "gay jokes" towards me (when I'm around) and I will remove a few posts from the past week on my blog (You may have already noticed that). I think this was a great conclusion and were hanging out again as of right now.

I believe taking this to the office resolved the issues with no exit point or way to retreat. As for George, I won't speak for him, I would like for us to continue being friends (as we have many mutual friends) but I don't know if he wants that. He has allowed me to sit with him at breakfast and lunch again and were talking like respectful people. I think George is a good person and when your mad at someone, you say things you regret, especially when the principle reads them back to you....

As for the entire Glazier family (mostly Mrs. Glazier), I am sorry for all the problems I caused to you, your husband, or any of your children. I am a good person, but with all my person problems in the way, that clouded my judgement. I need to find better communication skills when I'm upset because I tend to point irrational fingers at people when i'm angry. I hope that I can gain you back as a follower Mrs. Glazier, but if you choose to be a silent reader (or stop reading entirely), I will understand your reasoning.

If you want to talk to me about any of this or need your own clarification (maybe George left you with a few unexplained answers), I won't mind you calling me and asking or wanting me to come over before tennis practice. I want to get everyone back in the clear, happy, and move on in a direction where you learn from past mistakes!

Thanks for listening.

Monday, April 11, 2011

Pretty decent weekend!

So I got to leave Tennis Practice early on Friday, which made me pretty happy. I was gonna see my brother, Brian, and that made my weekend pretty amazing! I usually never get to see him for 5 week gaps (to give you a time period) so seeing him was amazing (It had been about 5 weeks too)! We invited my brother to eat at Cheddars with us and he gladly accepted. We have a jolly good time with smashing fun adventures! Friday was amazing.

Saturday I just stayed at home, mostly, and played my DS all day. Still not having a computer really makes the day boring and generally uninteresting. I always tend to spend a lot of time on my computer and I didn't realize that until it was suddenly removed from my presence. Ugh, I really wish I could get it back, soon, so I can make some YouTube vids with my sister (who will glady stare as a character if I ask her ... I hope).

Sunday had a little more enthusiasm in it considering I actually got in the car and went somewhere. My sister was meeting her friend at a church for them to hang out (he invited her to his church) and I decided to stroll along for the trip (smart plan, huh?). When we got there (don't ask where It was because we drove for 30 minutes or so to get there) we pulled in and dropped her off (it was 9:15 at this point). We told her we would wait for 30 minutes incase he doesn't show up or she doesn't like the church.

He ended up not showing up and she stayed for the whole church service. The pastor wore a pancho and she said it was one of the weirdest church services she's been to. My mom got off work early because my dad and I were at Corner cafe gettting breakfast (we ended up waiting an hour for her to decide) so my mom picked her up and met us at Corner Cafe.

After breakfast, we decided to finally go buy some clothes for me outta my budget (I was finally getting clothes, YAY)! We went to Gordmans (I didn't ask, my mom drove there) and I ended up getting 5 shirts (short sleeve). After that we went to see the movie, "Soul Surfer", and it was actually a pretty good movie! If you haven't seen it, I would reccommend it, if you asked, because it was good!

I bet your wondering where the George/Zach drama has gone? Don't ask... I'm gonna man up and take whatever happens, one step at a time. Oh wait, you don't know, do you? I reported George to the principle and we talked all of 6th hour on Friday. I had a printed off copy of George's "hate blog" against me in hand and was fully prepared to take responsibility for the actions I have taken in the past 2 weeks.

George was my best friend and he had to ruin things in the flash of a millisecond. He knew me good enough. He knew I would get mad if I heard gay jokes. He knew punching me in the bleachers at Grandview would upset me. And I hope he knew that I wouldn't sit by and let it happen. No, that's what I've always done. I'm through sitting by and letting the abuse happen. I am a human being as much as he is and I won't let this happen anymore. Friends are happy with each other and get along. They don't accuse the other of being gay and harass him until he has to physically get up and move to a different bleacher.

He just added salt to a wound that was trying to heal, irritating it until he got red, infected, and needed to be fixed by someone with power. I'm sorry George, that I had to report you. I take all responsibility for my actions. I hope you can forgive ME and say you were wrong too. PRIDE only gets you so far. We both had pride in our hearts and we need to get that out. I am not going to let pride sit in my heart and control my actions. Whatever happens this week, I hope we can both move past it and live life the way it should be lived, to the fullest extent! And I'm sorry Kyle had to get stuck in the middle of it all (Yes, I mentioned your name in the harassment).

As I walked into school this morning, Gavin confronted me saying he was upset with me for "threatening George". May I clarify? When I said, "Frenzied anger" and "taking action" and implying "Getting physical", i was referring to taking my anget to the office, get my physical words out in the office for the principle to hear. If I have to take my life to the office, something has gone to far. I'm sorry Gavin if I upset you, I think your a great friend and person and was only trying to portray my feelings in a way that would keep me from doing anything, physically towards George (such as brawling at school (not the "Bits&Pieces" way either)).

Finally, Mrs. Glazier, I hope you can understand how upset with George I was on Friday and taking it out on you was childish and immature. I appologize and hope you don't think I'm a horrible person forever. I know you raise your children to the best of your ability and I would never judge people based on a altered mind set. I was mad, and blamed you. I am sorry. What happens to George today is his own actions away from you and his own responsibility, likewise with me.

Hope everyone had a good weekend.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Some things just happen

So my weekend totally sucked. It turns out everyone I invited over cancelled there plans. It's not there fault, I'm just a bad planner, that or I really just suck all together. I think I need to figure out what I'm doing in advance, so everyone can plan better. I guess I never told Carolyn until Thursday, whoops? But she was exhausted because of a concert/contest/something else and that is excusable. You already know why I didn't invite George (I only invite friends over, not people I know from school).

Speaking of the devil (or close to it), I am going to try to challenge George this week for this number 16 spot on the tennis team so I can move up. I think I have better qualifications so I deserve the spot. Besides, the worst I can do is lose (which I can't really see happening). Hopefully I will move up enough so that I am partners with someone who I don't know from school, that might help. Though John (my newest friend, kinda) gives us a ride to school and I wouldn't mind being his partner (he joined tennis 3 weeks late soooo he's 18 outta 18 right now).

Back to the weekend, my dad returned home on Friday night (the worst day of my life, literally, but not because of my dad, he's cool right now). It's a bunch of personal things and I don't really want to talk about it on my blog or at all. Let's just put it this way, it wasn't good. It was, seriously, the biggest emotional rollercoaster of my life.

When you link things back to the source, which I have done repeatedly the past week and a half of my life, It all goes back to George and Kyle harassing me on Friday, March 25th. I don't know what the problem is but they really pushed my buttons and something inside of me just clicked! I realized George uses me for his personal gain and Kyle has nobody else to talk to (exactly the same as me) so why would he NOT talk to us, right? George was my best friend and we made the coolest YouTube videos together, but I realized why he's using me.

Out of all my friends right now, Clarissa and Bethany are my favorites. Clarissa is sexy, amazing, listens to me, cares, and thinks I'm all the above plus a box of cheese-its. Bethany is a great listener and gives me better advice than any of my friends. She helps me through rough patches in my life and knows what to say when I'm depressed or upset. That's why there my favorites (they would be your favorites too if you knew them).

I don't know, I think life is to short to live in the dark, depressed, and with no sign of moving forward in one set direction. Yet I am doing that right now, or until Today. Bethany told me last night that if George was using me and he really isn't worth keeping around or fighting for, then drop him and move on. I kept contemplating saying it was my fault and just keeping George around but that made me think and she was right.

I'm just gonna focus on Tennis and School, nothing else, for now. Maybe some fun on the weekend, but I got my motivation back, It's not in George or Kyle, where it was before, It's on passing High School, improving my motivation and self-confidence, and moving on to a better place in life. God gave me the life I have and it's time I stop blaming him for everything. George is a complete asshole and horrible friend, I realize that, I'm moving on and I won't let anyone slow me down.