Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Too much stress for one person!

Ok so i am just kinda crazy confused. Why is the entire world so bad at funding? I mean, why is there a lower class? I think we should either be middle class or upper class. No in between, just ... Enough. I think people in the lower class have it horribly, trust me, i know! you know that aphorism Ben Franklin said, 'At the working man's house hunger looks in, but dares not enter', well my parents work very hard, trust me, so how come we dont have enough money for anything more then bills? We are always broke and i really hate that. I know i should be thankful for what i have, trust me, i am, but i just wish we had enough for some fun stuff. We have to depend on my moms tips for anything close to that. Which brings us to Christmas.

Christmas is all about being thankful for what and who you have. I love my parents, sister, friends, ect... There all awesome! I just know that its not enough this year. I have always been thankful, trust me, we've known financial struggle for awhile now. I just wish i could show them that i'm really thankful. Words, to me, don't mean squat without some action behind them. Lately, i can only speak for myself, i haven't shown that i am thankful recently. I haven't technically had a reason too, i've hated my life the last few months.

I don't wanna come across as unthankful, i am. I get to use the computer, tv, cell phone, and bed my parents bought but all that aside, i just really don't like where i am and it's starting to affect me lately. Sure, i can goof with my friends cuz i dont have to think about any of the crap. I like my friends, there awesome! I just wish, sometimes, i could have there lives. Yeesh, i'd be happy with that strange dude in my Algebra class's life! I know because his clothes are not cheap, i know, there name brand.

If you want me to just say that i will get over it and move on, i wont. I can't, at least, not yet. I just want to know that this financial situation will get better. I know God deals the cards and i don't blame him for anything, he doesn't cause any of this to happen, our choices in life do, but i just wish he would of slammed the door shut on some of my parents choices. I don't know how they got to where we are, but it all happened with there choices. I don't blame them either, i just hope that there future choices bring more ease to our troubles. I want my mom to come home and not be stressed. I want her to come home and see that, at least, i care about her.

I can speak for others, but i think my parents are stressed because, not only the finances, but because there failing, in there definitions, as parents. Sure, were a christian family but im questioning a lot of stuff now. I am so confused about everything. All i know is that God created the world and heaven and hell both exist. I'm on the fence and im scared to choose sides right now. Also, my parents probably have there own issues there dealing with , i dont know, im not a therapist, haha.

But this is just too much stress for one person. I think my mom has it the worst, trying to pay bills, keep my sister and myself happy, if she can, and making sure the house looks nice. I really wanna take a load of stress off of her but i don't know how i can help without getting her expectations up and, if i fail to help, make her even more stressed then before. Everyone gets there hopes up and then gets upset later when something doesnt happen. It really just ... sucks, actually.

People should just do what they can and not worry about the rest. If all you can do one day is work, then fine. If you can do a little dusting one day, fine with me. I dont think you should try to tackle all the problems at once, that's doomed to fail! I don't know, maybe i ponder things a bit too much. I just want a little happiness for, both, myself and my parents.

That's why i have been trying like really hard to get a job, i can, not only have some cash for myself, but i can help my parents out. Sure, they won't want my money, but i'm in the same boat, right? So i just want to help out, do my part, if you will. It doesn't look good for me though. We got a new store opening up and they got like 5 openings, but there not talking to me, even after i had a friend who works there talk to the manager and put in a good word about me.

I don't wanna be a lazy bum who sits at home over christmas break and gets on facebook. I only watch a few TV shows, not enough, thankfully, tv isn't that good anymore. Only Grey's Anatomy and Tower Prep are the only things i really care about watching. So that isn't a problem, Tuesdays and Thursdays 8pm (how convenient?). I can watch those anytime too cuz i record em' with DVR.

I could always become famous on YouTube like all those cool super stars who are famous and rich now because of it. Wait, one problem, i don't like cussing (i only cuss when i'm really mad or around my friends and it's an appropriate use of the word(s)). Well shucks, you've seen my vlogs, right? Am i good enough? I don't really know, i'm skeptical.

On a side note, i thought about starting either a weight loss blog or YouTube channel. I want to lose about 50+ pounds and i thought i would post a new video every week to show my progress. Is that a good idea? I'm gonna be making a video about it on my YouTube channel if you wanna check that out. I put a jump rope on my Christmas list. Haha, that might help me out.

So ya, let me now what you think about that. My next post should an Christmas Blog with what i got, don't worry, i don't expect viewers to buy me squat, all i want is a few more followers. If you can, maybe as an xmas favor, tell some of your friends to check out my blog and become a follower. I really want 2011 to be the year my followers start seriously growing. I thought 2010 would be that year but i was, obviously, wrong. Haha, no biggie, i think i will just hope for the best in 2011.

Happy Birthday Hannah!!

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